Quickly Binding Someone's Wrists For Sexytime?

January 8, 2013 11:14 AM

My wife wants to engage in a roleplay scene where she enters a dark room and is overpowered and restrained. I'm game, but I need a little logistical help.

Most of the wrist restraints that I've seen and used are a bit fiddly; they pretty much require that the intended restrainee stop squirming and agree to be restrained. The struggling aspect is what turns her on about this scenario, so I need to be able to get her restrained while she's "resisting".

I'm looking for a good wrist restraint solution that meets the following criteria...
1. Comfortable for the restrainee
2. Easy and fast to use on someone who's (playfully) resisting
3. Sturdy enough to not give way when the restrainee struggles.
4. Wrists would preferably be behind the back, but this is not required.

We've played in this way before so we have a safeword and we've talked about this specific scenario at great length so from an emotional perspective I think we're covered. I just need to get this lovely lass under control so I can ravish her appropriately. :)

Any and all recommendations are welcome. Thank you!

posted by anonymous to human relations (24 answers total)

I can't link you here directly (I'm at work), but the velcro/neoprene/clipped Sportsheets wrist restraints might fit the bill. Comfortable, easy to velcro, will stay put.
posted by fiercecupcake at 11:17 AM on January 8

They make tape specifically for this sort of thing. It sticks to itself, and not someone's skin (like duct tape would) so it doesn't hurt.
posted by dortmunder at 11:18 AM on January 8 [7 favorites]

Seconding the bondage tape. you can even precut what you think will take to wrap around the wrists (or wrist to bedpost) and then just slap it on when the time is right.
posted by deezil at 11:31 AM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Bondage tape, though I see I've been beaten to the punch. I like to have something like these around. to cut the tape if someone needs out in a hurry as they are easier and safer to use on a freaking out person than sharp pointed scissors.
posted by wwax at 11:46 AM on January 8 [3 favorites]

Bondage tape works very nicely for this, but you might also want to look at double-locking handcuffs - they're pretty cheap, and the "double-locking" part means you can lock them in place so they won't accidentally tighten.

That said, the sportsheet ones might be a bit too fiddly if she really is struggling; I suspect some bondage tape is pretty much exactly what you want.

IMPORTANT: WHile bondage tape does go on and off pretty easily, good practice means you should consider a pair of EMT shears to be a mandatory purchase in case you need to get the tape off quickly - that and they'll simplify the getting-out process in general. Regular scissors are far too likely to break the skin, especially if you're in a hurry.
posted by Tomorrowful at 11:46 AM on January 8

The cat's paw "knot" is generally used for fastening rope to some object, but if you leave the loops large enough (such as in the second illustration with the tumbling ring--only without the ring in the way) and gather them together, you can quickly slip them over someone's wrists and then pull the whole thing taut (at which point you can keep the ends of the rope in your hand to pull your partner around, or tie it to something else, like the bedpost or her ankles). Do this with some nice soft, thick rope and it'll be relatively comfortable and pleasantly restraining.

The great thing about this is that it doesn't require any complicated tying, and it can be prepared in advance so you have it ready to slip over her wrists as soon as you've got ahold of her. I'm absolutely terrible at rope bondage and knots in general, but I've had a lot of fun with this technique.
posted by rhiannonstone at 11:50 AM on January 8 [2 favorites]

I'd note that with the bondage tape it is especially important that the pressure from the bindings be on the outside of the wrists, not across the tender meaty parts.
posted by fiercecupcake at 11:53 AM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Nylon rope from a big box store (the white cotton looking rope, not the yellow plasticy stuff) works well in a pinch when you don't have Jute or Hemp on hand...

Lengths of cloth work well also... scarves or ties, think surface area & tension for the binding... makes things more comfortable for the sub.
posted by anthroprose at 11:54 AM on January 8

Bondage tape or possibly vetwrap (have EMT shears on hand). Or if significant struggling is going to be part of the scene, then a good pair of double-locking handcuffs (make sure you have extra keys and know where they are). There are also some knots that go on quickly but if you're not familiar already then probably best to keep it simple. Whatever you use make sure it can't self-tighten (e.g. do not use zip ties or quick-cuffs).

Have fun!
posted by Scientist at 12:49 PM on January 8

(n.b. The reason I recommend cuffs instead of tape if she's planning to put up more than a token resistance is that they're less fiddly to put on and you can get them on kne hand at a time. Nothing takes you out of a scene like having to say "hold still sweetheart, I can't get this on you if you keep squirming like that.")
posted by Scientist at 12:53 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Handcuff knot
posted by ihadapony at 1:31 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

Rope cuffs.
posted by cmoj at 1:32 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

Police use flex cuffs on people at demonstrations and whatnot. Probably not ideal for your purposes, but I don't think anyone has mentioned them yet.
posted by box at 1:59 PM on January 8

I've had good experiences with good old fashioned handcuffs, which snap on in a flash during the initial take-down, and then when you have her on the floor and more immobile, you can replace with something more comfortable/fiddly (like bondage tape or fancy ropework or whatever you like). You can work this into the narrative of the scene by adding further restraints or cutting her clothes off or similar, so it's not a break in the overall arc of feeling of the scenario.
posted by rosa at 4:43 PM on January 8

I'm gonna go ahead and put a caution against flex cuffs (which I mentioned above as "quick cuffs") because they are basically fancy zipties and have the potential to self-tighten, cutting off blood flow to the hands. They are also very difficult to cut through, especially if they are tight against someone's skin. They are dangerous and frankly I think they should be banned.
posted by Scientist at 5:45 PM on January 8 [5 favorites]

cmoj has the right idea but I think the zip snare is going to be a lot easier against a struggling victim and more comfortable. Otherwise, tape or vet wrap. In any case, the EMT scissors are an absolute must have for any playspace.

Practice beforehand! It's really easy to awkwardly fumble with rope, especially in the dark.
posted by desjardins at 6:14 PM on January 8

Oh - and I'm decidedly against flex cuffs and handcuffs for a resisting victim. Remember, police officers don't care at all about your comfort or arousal, so "well they use them against struggling suspects" means absolutely nothing. It's way too easy to damage your wrists by pulling against them. Handcuffs are for someone who is already subdued and knows they can't go anywhere - you're just ensuring it.
posted by desjardins at 6:16 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

vetwrap or coflex bandages. Have the ends started before you begin playtime. Bonus, also makes a fun & sexy gag! And blindfold! It comes in lots of colors and basic black.

If struggling is important (and it sounds like it is) do NOT use ziptes, flex cuffs or handcuffs, they can cause serious damage.

I'm also recommending staying away from rope because it sounds like you both enjoy the struggling and unless you are really good at tying and she is careful about struggling, she'll be left with nasty rope burns on her wrists.

Good luck! Sounds like a fun time!!

xo

p.s. I actually do this for a living, so I know this area very well.
posted by sandra_s at 8:22 PM on January 8

oh, and have safety scissors or emt shears handy during any playtime such as this!
posted by sandra_s at 8:23 PM on January 8

I have no experience with bondage, but I am in EMT school which means I sort of tie people up for a living too. If I tie a patient's wrist, I'll "check PMS" every 5-15 minutes: I'll ask the patient to extend his fingers (motor), observe that the fingernails are still pink (pulse) squeeze one of them to check capillary refill (pulse), and then ask which finger I just squeezed (sensation). If the patient loses any of these three, I'll adjust the tie.

FYI, it's not really possible to safely restrain someone who's really struggling unless you have at least one person per limb. There's significant risk of injury to both the patient and the responder. So make sure she doesn't get too carried away with the "resisting." Safe words aren't just for the bottoms.
posted by d. z. wang at 9:03 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Yeah, go for the tape. It's cheap, re-usable and easy to clean.

Handcuffs hurt if you're struggling and she may wind up with hard to explain bruising on the wrists the morning after if she's really in that headspace and giving it a good try. Same with zip ties of any sort. Bondage tape is designed for this sort of play.

I'd also caution against rope for the same reasons, as well as the bit where you have to be fairly good with your knots for it to be of any use or any fun.
posted by Jilder at 4:20 AM on January 9

If you want to use something that you might already have at home and that's both strong enough not to rip and but still soft on her wrists, try using nylon stockings, not pantyhose, but either thigh-high ones that you use with garters or even knee-high ones that women sometimes wear under a dressy pants outfit. Actually the knee-high ones are the perfect length, and you can get a bunch of them pretty cheap.
posted by marsha56 at 6:21 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I am not about to suggest what to use, but instead something to think about ahead of time- if this is the first time you are using the material and she will be mocking fighting back, get to know whatever you are using ahead of time. Use your ankles or something else that approximates the feel of her wrists. It won't be the same, but you will have some idea of how easy it is to shift things around, how the material reacts when used and how easy it is to remove at the end. It also gives you an idea of how much you need to use if you use the tape.

Also, nthing the safety shears. They cost less than $10 and will cut through almost anything.
posted by Hactar at 1:35 PM on January 9

A cheap nylon dog collar (the kind with a plastic snap buckle) wrapped around one wrist, twisted a couple times, and then wrapped around the other wrist and snapped together makes a serviceable set of handcuffs. And because you don't need to hold both hands at the same time can be easier to put on someone who is "struggling". As a bonus they come with an integral D-Ring which you can use to clip on a panic snap hook attached to a rope. This allows your attachment point to be pre installed.

Pre-size them to be tight without cutting circulation.
posted by Mitheral at 3:32 PM on January 9