Time To Shut It Down.
January 5, 2013 5:48 PM Subscribe
How can I do this without being a jerk?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a woman in my mid-thirties. Almost two years ago, I met Very Young Guy. He's 13 years younger than me. We hit it off right away, have many of the same interests and became fast friends. Then things got physical between us a couple of weeks ago. There was no alcohol involved, and I was very explicit about it needing to be a friends with benefits type situation. I have done this before, successfully, with people whom I still talk to and care about even though we are no longer sexually involved, and in hindsight realize that I was overconfident in thinking that I could have that same sort of relationship with Very Young Guy. Last night, he called me, and said that he'd been daydreaming about us being closer in age and proximity, and referred to me, albeit teasingly, as his fantasy woman. I'm troubled by this. He's a dear friend, and I don't want to be that person who just drops him like a hot rock because I got nervous. But there is just no way that he and I have any sort of romantic or committed future together. It is absolutely out of the question. I felt I was extremely clear and consistent on this. I don't want to freeze him out and just stop returning his calls, but I also don't want to give him any sort of false hope. I would, of course, prefer to salvage our friendship, but more than that I want to do what's best for him. Part of me thinks I should write him a nice but firm letter, and then not talk to him anymore, and part of me thinks that's too harsh. Any thoughts appreciated.