Weird female friend territory. Help!
January 3, 2013 1:51 PM Subscribe
I'm a married female. My female friend has admitted to having feelings for me and continually makes subtle comments. What to do?
posted by shiggins to Human Relations (44 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
A brief rundown: I'm a married, 25-year-old female. I made a female friend about six months ago, and the friendship progressed quickly. We have a lot in common and clicked very well, so I was excited, especially given that I find it difficult to make friends.
Early on in the friendship, she admitted that she had romantic feelings for me, but we talked about it and agreed that in order to continue the friendship, there would need to be healthy boundaries because I'm happily married. Things were going OK for a while, but there have been several comments/weird vibes lately that are making me very uncomfortable:
1) She's mentioned on more than one occasion that she finds it odd when people get married at a young age, and subtly implies that it's a bad decision because it's likely that you haven't solidified who you really are.
2) About a month ago, she told me she felt possessive of me.
3) Whenever I mention my husband, she seems uncomfortable. She has only met him once, briefly, and it was incredibly awkward. I also find it painful that I cannot invite her over for dinner, etc., and that both she and my husband nurse a dislike for one another. I know you don't always have to like your partner's friends (I don't like several of my husband's friends), but I think this is a little different.
4) In a recent email, she said that she fantasizes about what it would be like if I weren't married. She then apologized. I wrote back quickly to say that it was no big deal, simply because I could not process it at the time (I was home for Christmas and dealing with explosive family shit).
I have gotten to the point where I am very, very uncomfortable with this situation. However, I have not confronted her about it since we first addressed it during the beginning of our friendship.
I'm hesitant to cut things off with her because she is extremely fragile. But at this point, I feel like it's the only thing I can do. It would be weird being her friend knowing that she has feelings for me and is resentful of my husband, who I love very much.
Am I being unreasonable or harsh? I'm finding it difficult not to feel incredibly guilty about this. It's really a shame, because if this weren't an issue, I think we could have an amazing friendship.