please help me be a nice guy and still get the girl
January 2, 2013 6:01 AM Subscribe
Can the hive mind confirm that men need a dark side to seduce women ? I’m a nice guy and I’ve not been lucky in love. Have I not been lucky in love because
I’m a nice guy ?
posted by Baud to human relations (66 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
I’m male, early 40’s, never married, I’ve had some relationships, never moved in with anyone. Way too often for my taste, girls I meet "like" me or even like me but they do not love me.
I suspect my personal history is at least partly to blame : being a first-born, growing (a little bit too) close to my mother with a loving but shy and kindly lovingly dominated-by-my-mother father. I tend to believe that this way of growing up without a strong male role model made me someone who can and will listen to girls and even advising them on their relationships. I have more female friends than male friends. Whenever I need relationship advices I have a network of female friends who will lend me sympathetic ears.
My Myers-Briggs type is somewhere between INFP and ENFP. I have a mix of curiosity and empathy that makes me the kind of guy who will tirelessly listen to sobbing stories and offer advices.
One has never enough friendship but I think I have mastered the art of making female friends. Now, for once, I’d like to be able to seduce at least one woman.
I've been told (by a woman) that I need to show more of a "dark side" to seduce women. Where on earth do I find that dark side in me ? How can I even be sure that I have one ? Can the hive mind confirm that this dark side is absolutely necessary to master the art of seduction ?
If that « dark side » is indeed necessary where/how do I grow one ? I don’t want to betray the nice, empathic person I am. My sensitive side has given me so much in the past I don’t want to lose it.
I’ve seen some therapists at various stages in my life. Should you advise additional therapy could you say exactly, precisely what kind of therapy you have in mind ?