The Curious Incident of the Disappearing Man
December 31, 2012 1:00 PM Subscribe
A man with whom I was once-upon-a-time very much in love pops back into my life about once a year, then vanishes again. Do I stop him? Do I just roll with it? Blizzard inside.
posted by like_a_friend to human relations (37 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
About six years ago, I fell madly in love with a fella and it did not go well. He had feelings for me also, but I was freshly divorced and needed some time and space to get my shit together. And frankly I thought he was something special, and we had something valuable, and did not want to screw it up by turning it into some ridiculous rebound deal.
By the time I came around (uh, like only 5 or 6 months, btw) he was no longer looking for anything serious and suggested more or less a FWB arrangement, which I turned down. I was utterly heartbroken. After that I didn't hear from him for well over a year, and then he popped back up through a work-related thing. By then I had moved on and was seeing someone else.
REPEAT PROCESS x4 with variations on who was un-single at any given time.
So this time I'm single, and what do you know, the very night I go on my first OKCupid date, he texts me. And lo, he is single as well. We hang out a few times, non-romantically but with our old flirty banter fully intact. And now once again he has gone completely incommunicado.
So next year, when he inevitably pops back up, what do I do? Delete the text? Tell him to shove his iPhone somewhere uncomfortable? Keep it up because who knows, some year the stars may align?
I won't ask y'all what he's thinking, as there's no way for anyone to know. I can say: while this cycle used to destroy me, I'm now so beaten-down and wrecked by the rest of my life that honestly, this dude and his flakiness are barely making a ripple. So I'm being semi-serious when I ask whether I may as well keep playing the game; at this point I seem to be invulnerable to further pain.