Don't go, but don't stay.
December 30, 2012 2:25 PM Subscribe
I'm obsessed with my friend? (snowflake details inside).
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (13 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
There's this person, I'll call them 'Z' to make this easier. Z an I are online friends, both on our mid twenties, same gender. We write to each other (almost) daily and there really isn't much trouble between us. I love Z as a friend and that's pretty much it. I'm not interested in them romantically and I do not have a crush on them. I'm also an extremely anxious person and have been depressed lately. These are both problems I've been getting help with and though improvement has been slow, things are not exactly looking down either. I have a loving partner who's there for me and know that everything could be so much worse and that I ought to feel good...
However, I feel that I'm too invested in my friendship with Z. Whenever they aren't online and available for chatting, I feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety, that is both mental as well as physical and that leaves me unable of thinking about anything but 'when is Z going to be online' and 'when am I going to be able to talk to them'. It's extremely stressing and it's taken a toll on both my mental, as well as my physical health. I'm not sure how to frame this to my therapist, or even how to deal with it by talking to Z. They are important to me in a way that I don't understand myself. When Z is around, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I don't even want to talk to them all the time,; just knowing that they are on (even without contact) is like an instant stress reliever. To the point that I've taken to 'stalking' them online and trying and getting excessively anxious by trying to figure out whether or not they are ignoring me or really haven't logged in at all.
I haven't, of course, told Z about this and try my best not to act creep/clingy/annoying by forcing myself to withhold contact (or at least, by not establishing it every time). I do have other friends who are there for me but I'm just not as interested in chatting with them, both online or offline. I know this is most likely a result of the depression, but I'm baffled as well as confused my (irrational) interest in Z. Should I cut them off my life? I don't know how to continue coping with the situation and just can't handle the stress and anxiety it brings along.