I'm making a huge tiny mistake.
December 30, 2012 10:12 AM Subscribe
Is waiting for someone to contact you first giving them too much power? Is contacting them first desperate? Am I overthinking what is already a trainwreck (most likely)? Help me out, romantically-experienced MeFites!
posted by anonymous to human relations (17 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
While studying abroad, I dated a guy. When I left, I was heartbroken and left agonizing over "what could have been", to the point where I found a solid excuse to return to my study abroad site and am currently stuck in what is probably a slow-motion wreck. Before leaving, we had sort-of agreed to just be friends, but upon returning (just a few nights ago) I quickly made the stupid decision to sleep with him again--stupid because while I am getting attached to him unnecessarily he probably doesn't see me as much more than a hook up (although he's vague and a little unclear--he's very sweet, helpful and kind to me much of the time, but then becomes withholding without much warning). Now it's almost New Year's and I really want to hang out with him, although he was really vague and uncertain about hanging out with me. I was thinking of contacting him first, because I usually wait for him to contact me first and it's driving me crazy. I feel like it gives him too much control over my time and myself. But will it make me look desperate for his company? I have alternate friends I can spend New Year's Eve with, and would like to just know whether I should make plans with them or whether I can count on him. Does this make me look clingy or needy? Can I just call him and get it over with already or will I look like a fool?
More long-term, should I try to pursue this relationship at all? Is it worth it to open up to him about the fact that sleeping with him is making me feel more emotionally attached despite the fact that I don't see him necessarily becoming more attached to me? I'm not a very romantic type of girl--the rational part of me knows that I can find another guy without much issue and that if he rejects me he'll become a blip in my life over time. But the emotional, irrational part of me wants him so badly and just wants to see this relationship play out over the long term, even though I have to return to my home country for at least another three months. Will opening up to him make me look dumb or oblivious? I'm just sick of getting hurt and I want him to be clear that what probably just looks like a silly fling to him is having a serious effect on my mental health at this point in time. Is this a dumb thing to do?