If you were gay / That'd be okay / I mean 'cause hey, / I'd like you anyway... but what if I'm not?
December 27, 2012 6:45 AM Subscribe
So apparently my close friends and relatives have decided that I, an early-twenties female, am Really Damn Gay. I myself am not so sure, and seek your advice on dealing with their well-intentioned but perhaps slightly misplaced support.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (24 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm generally not a big fan of labels, but if pressed I would describe myself as genderqueer and asexual. I get addressed as "sir" and "miss" in about equal proportions and I don't care about "passing", I just tend to wear what I want, which happens to be a lot of unisex/men's clothing. Re: sexuality and attraction, I've been on lukewarm dates with both men and women but never really felt attracted to anyone. I'm open to the idea that one day I'll be in a sexual relationship with someone, it's generally not something I stress out about other than in a vague, abstract "oh god what if I die alone and unloved" way once in a while. (As you do.)
Apparently, all of what I described above adds up to "closeted homosexual", at least in my circle. My brother, having decided that my "gayness" is obviously out there already, has offered to set me up on dates (I politely declined). My parents, who I know love me very much but come from a staunchly conservative background about these sorts of things, have stopped bringing up my personal life entirely. I've had multiple people do the "...do you have anything you want to tell us?" and "you know, we love and support you no matter what!", which is sweet, and I really do appreciate it, but smiling and nodding along seems a bit dishonest, somehow.
I've tried deflecting/changing the subject, as well as haltingly trying to explain that the situation isn't quite what they think it is, but then they just turn sympathetic-slash-slightly-disappointed and it's clear that they just assume I'm not ready to come out yet. I'd like to be able to say that, honestly, no really, I'm fine the way I am right now, though I appreciate the sentiment.
Having talked with some of my queer friends about the stuff they went through during the coming-out process, I realize that having earnest, supportive friends and family is kind of an enviable problem. I'm OK with having strangers and acquaintances think whatever they like, but I'd just like to be able to be honest with the people I care about without making a big deal about it or being TMI/making people feel uncomfortable about it. Any advice on how to go about doing this? Thank you in advance (and, well, for letting me get this thing off my chest that's been bothering me for a while)