How do I feel better after all this?
December 23, 2012 1:53 PM Subscribe
How long is too long to still be upset about a break up? It's been 3 weeks for me as of today and while I'm approving a little bit, something is holding me back...
posted by Autumn89 to Human Relations (15 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm not even sure why I'm posting here again. Maybe I just need my ass kicked to get started. I'm still sad over my break up. Him and I decided it would be best if we don't talk anymore for at least 3 months. I told him if I didn't feel better by three months then I still wouldn't contact him. Hopefully I won't even feel the need to contact him after three months. He's never been mean to me or told me I was wrong. He would always tell me I will be fine without him and that he is so sorry to put me through all this bullshit because I was an awesome girlfriend. At one point I had wanted to dump him because his depression was bringing me down. One weekend though, he was back to the person he used to be. That weekend was the best weekend we have had together in awhile. I had hope and lots of it, but it all came crashing down.
He dumped me. He was emotional about it for a short period of time. He even told me he missed me so much and was thinking of me all day. After that he grew more distant. It wasn't a break up where we told each other we hated each other and never wanted to talk again. He told me he gets over things quickly. That makes me feel like I meant nothing to him.
I want to get better. I'm not suppose to let him get me down but it still does.Sometimes I wish we had a messy break up, that he would tell me he didn't love me or that he couldn't stand me anymore. I wish he would have gotten his shit together while with me and we could just be happy. He admits it's his fault for leaving his job like that. It seems so hard to get over him because he wasn't a jerk to me. In the past, I have dated some real assholes. It was so easy to get over them and start to date someone else. But I've decided I need to do this right and be single for awhile. At least 2-3 months. The thought of going out on a date with anyone makes me queasy.
At two weeks after the break up I was yelled at for not getting out and doing things. I felt like extreme shit when I went outside. There's so many things out there that remind me of him, it's like I'm not suppose to forget. Of course, this has happened with ex's and I still see things that remind me of them, but I feel better that they were out of my life, then in. I think about my ex and wish so much that we could have worked things out. I'm TRYING to look forward. I want to go out. I want to get in more shape. I want to eat healthy. I want to cut my hair. I want to make new friends. Maybe I'm just not ready though. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up. I finally put all the shit that reminds me of him away in a box.
I don't know what the acceptable amount of time is for losing someone you care about and the whole grieving process. I fight the urge every day to contact him. I want to text him or call him. To make sure he is okay. I feel like a part of me is missing. I just want this to go away. People say I should go out on dates anyway. I don't feel like I'm ready for that. If I did, it would truly be a big rebound and that's not fair to the other person. Like I said with ex's who were jerks, I didn't have a problem getting over them and dating someone else. Now it is a different story.
So how long should I wait? Not to date someone, but just to go outside and not feel so crappy? Say it was 2 months from now, and I went out and still feel like crap, should I get therapy? I've done therapy in the past for other reasons, but haven't been to one in years...I would always feel like it was useless because the therapist always got me pumped up to be a better person and make it through something, but then I would realize I still feel the same way, so there was no getting past what I was having a problem with. And there's the whole money issue with that...Pay someone a lot of money to have them tell you what you already know.
This is dumb. I am ranting now. I need some ass kicking.