I like him a lot, but I don't feel like I have much to give in a relationship. He wants to wait, I have PTSD and I'm not so sure.
December 22, 2012 3:22 PM Subscribe
I like him a lot, but I have PTSD don't feel like I have much to give in a relationship. He wants to wait, but I'm not so sure.
posted by proximacentauri to Human Relations (7 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
So I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder in early july and I met this great guy little less than two weeks after that. It was a random encounter over the internet. We have been talking almost everyday since, but I don't feel ready to meet him at all. My plan was if we are still talking after a year, then we could meet. that's what I'm comfortable with.
The relationship has gone from fun and carefree to more serious lately. We both admitted to having feelings last month and its clear that this relationship has romantic potential. I like him, we relate to each other well, share values and laugh a lot. He's quite dreamy actually. But hes so much more open about himself and he talks much more about things than I do. I'm distant and it happened before that I made myself unavailable on purpose for a few days (kind of a lame move I know). He picked up on something being off, and he said he wanted to be there for me. I told him I liked him a lot and that I didn't intend to break things off but that I needed space and wanted to try a short break. He had an emotional reaction, I could see he was tearing up a little and that caught me off guard. I understand that caused a lot of uncertainty and came out of nowhere for him. Of course though he respected it and we took little more than a week apart.
He's understanding and he knows about where I am right now. I explained about my disorder when I couldn't go with "fake it till you make it" which was my choice of behavior at first when I though it wouldn't last. Let's be real, long distance we-met-on-the-internet stories don't have the highest odds of success.
Since we never met in person and live in different countries (I'm canadian, he's british) I want to keep things friendly and ease up on the emotion side of things, maybe focus on really getting to know the person more than making thinks fluffy and romantic. He dosen't seem to share those views. Also I don't mind being exclusive to him, but I mind the official label, so we discussed it and came to an understanding. He needs/wants me to open up and, well, I feel a bit smothered. He does caring things like phone on a regular basis, sent a christmas gift (so did I) he sent flowers on my birthday and once "just because". Its a really nice gesture :) He mentioned me to his friends and close family, I did too, but they are very protective of me and disapprove the whole thing. Which dosen't help the relationship at all.
Don't get me wrong though, it's still awesome and I feel really lucky, I've never had a guy pursue me like that before and I think he's great. the thing is, I don't know how to react, I'm extremely ambivalent towards relationships, I take a long time to get to know people, I really don't open up easily. I don't enjoy talking about myself really. I've had issues in relationships for that before; me being too laid-back, bit distant, even not jealous enough I've heard. I like things to be low drama. I may have intimacy issues. I've been through abuse before so I guess that has something to do with it all. I plan on going to therapy over the next months for the whole ptsd thing. We talked about this, he says he wants to wait for me to be ready. But me being ready wont magically mean it will all work out.
Basically I'm glad we're apart, he's not. I feel it's going a bit fast, he feels the opposite. So whats the deal? I worry about his feelings and I want to make it obvious that I do care and want him to feel special. But I already feel like I'm pushing my limits on opening up and being there.
Is this a recipe for disaster or making it up to him until I feel ready is worth a try?