Is this a re-bound cat?
December 21, 2012 11:43 PM Subscribe
My beloved cat died five months ago, and I miss him every day. A friend has a kitten she needs to find a home for, and asked if I would take him on, as she knew I would like another cat one day. I'm not sure. How do I tell if this is a good idea?
I've had cats before, and always "loved" them. But I got Igor when he was a very young kitten, and we bonded in a way I didn't know was possible for a cat. He genuinely loved me, which is something I couldn't say for the other cats I've had.
Everyone used to comment on how devoted he was to me, and vice versa.
At age eight, he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, and we had to put him down in July. Even when he was so sick, he would purr when he saw me. I was heartbroken, and to be honest, I still am - I'm crying even remembering this. He was my best friend. Anyway.
I'm on a couple of different Facebook pages for animal rescues in my area, and I always figured one day there would be a pair of cats who were maybe a bit old and needed to be re-homed together so no-one would want them, and I would know they were meant to come home with me. That was the plan.
But instead, a woman at work has found this six-week old kitten, and needs to find a home for it. The shelters are full as it is "kitten season" here. She knows I want another cat one day, and asked if I'd take it. In a moment of weakness, I said yes. I told her I would come over to meet it this weekend. It feels in a way like this cat needs me.
But ... I don't know if it's a good idea. I would prefer two adult cats as they can entertain each other. And I am worried the kitten will be a little terror, and I will compare him to Igor all the time. Mostly, I'm worried the kitten won't love me.
I really miss the companionship of having a cat, and that affection (I'm pretty lonely, living in a new town). I don't miss stinky litter boxes and being woken up at 5am though.
Should I tell my colleague that I can't take this kitten on, after all, and risk it being put down? or should I take the plunge and accept that no cat will be like the one I have lost?
If I don't get this cat, should I keep looking?
I've had cats before, and always "loved" them. But I got Igor when he was a very young kitten, and we bonded in a way I didn't know was possible for a cat. He genuinely loved me, which is something I couldn't say for the other cats I've had.
Everyone used to comment on how devoted he was to me, and vice versa.
At age eight, he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, and we had to put him down in July. Even when he was so sick, he would purr when he saw me. I was heartbroken, and to be honest, I still am - I'm crying even remembering this. He was my best friend. Anyway.
I'm on a couple of different Facebook pages for animal rescues in my area, and I always figured one day there would be a pair of cats who were maybe a bit old and needed to be re-homed together so no-one would want them, and I would know they were meant to come home with me. That was the plan.
But instead, a woman at work has found this six-week old kitten, and needs to find a home for it. The shelters are full as it is "kitten season" here. She knows I want another cat one day, and asked if I'd take it. In a moment of weakness, I said yes. I told her I would come over to meet it this weekend. It feels in a way like this cat needs me.
But ... I don't know if it's a good idea. I would prefer two adult cats as they can entertain each other. And I am worried the kitten will be a little terror, and I will compare him to Igor all the time. Mostly, I'm worried the kitten won't love me.
I really miss the companionship of having a cat, and that affection (I'm pretty lonely, living in a new town). I don't miss stinky litter boxes and being woken up at 5am though.
Should I tell my colleague that I can't take this kitten on, after all, and risk it being put down? or should I take the plunge and accept that no cat will be like the one I have lost?
If I don't get this cat, should I keep looking?
Funny you should ask.
The next cat comes along when it is supposed to. It is always the perfect cat for you. This is always true IMHO.
Let's suppose Igor sees how much you miss him from beyond the Rainbow Bridge. (You do know about the Rainbow Bridge, right?) Let's suppose he's engineered this opportunity to help you.
If so, then this kitten is meant for you, and you should give it a loving home.
However
You will never again enjoy the freedom to travel, move, or be free of the litter box shackles once you accept a new furry family member into your home. Only you know if you are ready right now.
Incidentally, cats multiply in your home like Tribbles. Once you have one, you suddenly end up rescuing two more. Your worries about not having more than one cat are unfounded.
No one can tell you if you want this particular cat. I've done my best to outline the basics of your issue. Hope this helps.
Best of luck:)
posted by jbenben at 11:58 PM on December 21, 2012 [8 favorites]
The next cat comes along when it is supposed to. It is always the perfect cat for you. This is always true IMHO.
Let's suppose Igor sees how much you miss him from beyond the Rainbow Bridge. (You do know about the Rainbow Bridge, right?) Let's suppose he's engineered this opportunity to help you.
If so, then this kitten is meant for you, and you should give it a loving home.
However
You will never again enjoy the freedom to travel, move, or be free of the litter box shackles once you accept a new furry family member into your home. Only you know if you are ready right now.
Incidentally, cats multiply in your home like Tribbles. Once you have one, you suddenly end up rescuing two more. Your worries about not having more than one cat are unfounded.
No one can tell you if you want this particular cat. I've done my best to outline the basics of your issue. Hope this helps.
Best of luck:)
posted by jbenben at 11:58 PM on December 21, 2012 [8 favorites]
While we can have no idea if this is a good idea, it does not sound like you are ready to take this kitten. And, it certainly would not be on you if this kitten did not find a home and needed to be put down.
Grieve. Be patient. Wait for the right situation, which you will know it when it comes along.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:58 PM on December 21, 2012
Grieve. Be patient. Wait for the right situation, which you will know it when it comes along.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:58 PM on December 21, 2012
But ... I don't know if it's a good idea. I would prefer two adult cats as they can entertain each other. And I am worried the kitten will be a little terror, and I will compare him to Igor all the time. Mostly, I'm worried the kitten won't love me. But ... I don't know if it's a good idea. I would prefer two adult cats as they can entertain each other. And I am worried the kitten will be a little terror, and I will compare him to Igor all the time.
Get this kitten and a second shelter-kitten, or this kitten and a shelter-cat.
Mostly, I'm worried the kitten won't love me.
He'll probably love you; most cats do that grow up in loving homes. Especially if he gets enough tummy-rubs.
I don't miss stinky litter boxes
The scoopable pine sawdust litter works well for my two cats.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:00 AM on December 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
Get this kitten and a second shelter-kitten, or this kitten and a shelter-cat.
Mostly, I'm worried the kitten won't love me.
He'll probably love you; most cats do that grow up in loving homes. Especially if he gets enough tummy-rubs.
I don't miss stinky litter boxes
The scoopable pine sawdust litter works well for my two cats.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:00 AM on December 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
Upon your update...
Go meet the cat if you feel you are ready. If not ready, decline the kind offer!
If you are ready, meet the cat. If your hearts are in sync, take the cat home. If not, decline the kind offer!
Use your intuition is all I am saying. If it is the "right thing" you'll know.
If your intuition sucks, decline this kind offer without ever meeting the cat.
IMHE, the right new cat always comes along at the right time. Is this the right time for you?
That's the big question only you can answer.
posted by jbenben at 12:08 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Go meet the cat if you feel you are ready. If not ready, decline the kind offer!
If you are ready, meet the cat. If your hearts are in sync, take the cat home. If not, decline the kind offer!
Use your intuition is all I am saying. If it is the "right thing" you'll know.
If your intuition sucks, decline this kind offer without ever meeting the cat.
IMHE, the right new cat always comes along at the right time. Is this the right time for you?
That's the big question only you can answer.
posted by jbenben at 12:08 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do it. Kittens don't stay that way very long; adopting one very young (and handling/playing/smooching it a lot) will make it more likely that he'll be attached to you, AND you can always get him a friendly older brother/sister (now or later). As you said, it's kitten season, and although JohnnyGunn is technically right, I'm not sure I could sleep at night backing out of it and knowing what the ramifications could be for the kitten. (I'm a total sap, yes.) Contact the shelters and let them know you're interested in an older cat buddy - they'll know which cats like cat company and will tolerate a cat-friend.
I've heard through the grapevine that disabled (one eye, three-legged, etc) cats and older cats aren't as hard to place as you think... it's actually black cats that are terribly hard to place! I'd ask the shelter straight-up which cats they have a hard time placing, let them know about the younger-buddy situation, and let them advise.
As far as the link you posted (wanting to return cats) - there's No Guarantee what your cat will turn out like - young or old, this cat or that cat, this kitten or imaginary older shelter cats etc. It's like kids... you just don't know. He won't be Igor, but he'll be himself!
I also recommend the pine sawdust. We've trained our cats not to wake us up (mostly); there are several previous Asks about this. Personally, I find the occasional early-morning wake up call or dead cockroach present a small fee for the amount of Free Animal Therapy they provide... I think we'd be divorced if it weren't for our cats LOL. Nothing beats getting put to bed by Papa Cat, curled up between us like a giant purrrring teddy bear... Sidenote Anecdata: Male-Male and Male-Female pairs tend to be more affectionate with each other. Females are territorial, so two females tend just be tolerant roommates. Boys are smoochers. We have a brother-sister pair who sleep together, mutually groom etc...
Good luck! (and FWIW, we travel ANYWAY. We're always able to sort out some sort of housesitting, or fellow cat-owner etc.)
posted by jrobin276 at 12:09 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've heard through the grapevine that disabled (one eye, three-legged, etc) cats and older cats aren't as hard to place as you think... it's actually black cats that are terribly hard to place! I'd ask the shelter straight-up which cats they have a hard time placing, let them know about the younger-buddy situation, and let them advise.
As far as the link you posted (wanting to return cats) - there's No Guarantee what your cat will turn out like - young or old, this cat or that cat, this kitten or imaginary older shelter cats etc. It's like kids... you just don't know. He won't be Igor, but he'll be himself!
I also recommend the pine sawdust. We've trained our cats not to wake us up (mostly); there are several previous Asks about this. Personally, I find the occasional early-morning wake up call or dead cockroach present a small fee for the amount of Free Animal Therapy they provide... I think we'd be divorced if it weren't for our cats LOL. Nothing beats getting put to bed by Papa Cat, curled up between us like a giant purrrring teddy bear... Sidenote Anecdata: Male-Male and Male-Female pairs tend to be more affectionate with each other. Females are territorial, so two females tend just be tolerant roommates. Boys are smoochers. We have a brother-sister pair who sleep together, mutually groom etc...
Good luck! (and FWIW, we travel ANYWAY. We're always able to sort out some sort of housesitting, or fellow cat-owner etc.)
posted by jrobin276 at 12:09 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
This is going to sound wishy-washy, but is it possible to "cat-sit" for a weekend or, better, a week, to get some idea of what the new kitten's personality is like, or, I guess more to the point, what your feelings toward the new kitten are? You would obviously have to make it clear to your colleague that what you are volunteering for is a meet-and-greet, not a permanent solution, and then ask her if she is willing to let you try this experiment with the understanding that you may well have to return the kitten to her.
Also-- and this is maybe more broadly philosophical than you want to discuss at the moment-- whether you are loved is not the only important part of relationship; there's also whether you can love. It does sound like you are a loving person and maybe not getting a chance to express that is what's bothering you so much.
So, like I said, maybe you can at least visit with the kitten to see how you hit it off?
posted by La Cieca at 12:15 AM on December 22, 2012
Also-- and this is maybe more broadly philosophical than you want to discuss at the moment-- whether you are loved is not the only important part of relationship; there's also whether you can love. It does sound like you are a loving person and maybe not getting a chance to express that is what's bothering you so much.
So, like I said, maybe you can at least visit with the kitten to see how you hit it off?
posted by La Cieca at 12:15 AM on December 22, 2012
Oh goodness, here I am again. Can you tell I'm a CrazyCatLady? Anyway... This is how I thought about it, when faced with similar prospects:
About a year ago our big male cat was injured - he was totally fine, except a concussion on the right side of his head that left him paralyzed down his left side. Now, cats can get around on just their two front (strongest) legs if they have to... but one side? The doc said to wait and see... but basically, if he didn't improve to the point where he was somewhat mobile, he'd have to be put down. I was devastated. I decided that I had committed to caring for him, knowing that cats can live 15-20 years (he was only 4)... that was my commitment - 2 cats for 20-odd years. If the worst happened and he couldn't make use of the home I was willing to provide, the best way to honor his memory would be to provide a home to another cat who needed one. The only comforting thought was that if he was lost, another would be saved in his place. It felt like the best way to honor his memory. (He's a friendly cat, who had several cat-friends he's visit, and who would come visit him!) I don't know if this helps, but it's one way of thinking about this kind of thing... not replacing, but honoring.
(Miraculously, he improved - a year on, and he's basically made a full recovery.)
posted by jrobin276 at 12:43 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
About a year ago our big male cat was injured - he was totally fine, except a concussion on the right side of his head that left him paralyzed down his left side. Now, cats can get around on just their two front (strongest) legs if they have to... but one side? The doc said to wait and see... but basically, if he didn't improve to the point where he was somewhat mobile, he'd have to be put down. I was devastated. I decided that I had committed to caring for him, knowing that cats can live 15-20 years (he was only 4)... that was my commitment - 2 cats for 20-odd years. If the worst happened and he couldn't make use of the home I was willing to provide, the best way to honor his memory would be to provide a home to another cat who needed one. The only comforting thought was that if he was lost, another would be saved in his place. It felt like the best way to honor his memory. (He's a friendly cat, who had several cat-friends he's visit, and who would come visit him!) I don't know if this helps, but it's one way of thinking about this kind of thing... not replacing, but honoring.
(Miraculously, he improved - a year on, and he's basically made a full recovery.)
posted by jrobin276 at 12:43 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
It's a few days over 8 years since I had to have my dear Indy cat put down, and I'm seriously tearing up as I type this. The really special pets I think you never really get over.
At the same time, though, I can see two of my kitties sleeping by the fire, and hear the third washing her face on the back of the couch behind me. They are all new pets since Indy. Not replacements, but new pets.
I adopted the first one about a month after losing Indy. The apartment was just too lonely and dismal to come home to, I needed company. One thing that helped me was getting a kitty that was as completely different from Indy as she could be. It helped me to think of her as a new "person" to get to know, and not expect her to fill the same roll that the other had.
posted by dorey_oh at 12:57 AM on December 22, 2012
At the same time, though, I can see two of my kitties sleeping by the fire, and hear the third washing her face on the back of the couch behind me. They are all new pets since Indy. Not replacements, but new pets.
I adopted the first one about a month after losing Indy. The apartment was just too lonely and dismal to come home to, I needed company. One thing that helped me was getting a kitty that was as completely different from Indy as she could be. It helped me to think of her as a new "person" to get to know, and not expect her to fill the same roll that the other had.
posted by dorey_oh at 12:57 AM on December 22, 2012
Best answer: A new cat doesn't replace the old one; it's a new life to share yours with. Everybody's different, but my concern with getting a new pet after the loss of a previous one was that the new pet would be a reminder of my loss. This has never happened. The new pet is a new life to share mine with, and there is a whole world of learning about the other being which cuts both ways. The only question is whether you feel up to the task of being responsible for the well-being of another life. If you have recovered from your loss enough to say yes to that, then the rest will work itself out. Again: you're not replacing the cat you lost, you are opening your heart to another life. It's a positive thing.
posted by Unhyper at 1:04 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Unhyper at 1:04 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Say Yes. Just Say Yes To Cats.
Really.
posted by tel3path at 2:09 AM on December 22, 2012 [10 favorites]
Really.
posted by tel3path at 2:09 AM on December 22, 2012 [10 favorites]
Best answer: All animal adoptions are unpredictable. Making your metric "will this pet bring me personal fulfilment?" is a bad metric. "Can I provide a good home to this animal?" is a much better baseline. Whatever happens after that is all gravy.
Just go meet the cat. You're pre-empting your decision with no data, which is emotional self-protection, but not very logical. Go meet the cat.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:27 AM on December 22, 2012 [6 favorites]
Just go meet the cat. You're pre-empting your decision with no data, which is emotional self-protection, but not very logical. Go meet the cat.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:27 AM on December 22, 2012 [6 favorites]
Meet the kitten, and if you like it, go find a shelter buddy (ideally a grown cat who likes other cats and is friendly and social with humans) and bring them both home at the same time. If you bring them both home at the same time, there will be fewer battles over territory as there is not one already-resident cat. And get a few Feliway plug-ins; they work wonders in helping to settle cats into new homes.
With you socializing it and an older kitty pal to show kitten how to have good cat manners, the kitten ought to grow up just fine.
I think it is best to have more than one cat if at all possible - most cats (not all, but most) are happier with the company and more shelter kitty lives are saved.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 4:10 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
With you socializing it and an older kitty pal to show kitten how to have good cat manners, the kitten ought to grow up just fine.
I think it is best to have more than one cat if at all possible - most cats (not all, but most) are happier with the company and more shelter kitty lives are saved.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 4:10 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think the kitten is for you. I also think there's a cat in a shelter waiting for you, too.
posted by smirkyfodder at 4:57 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by smirkyfodder at 4:57 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm typing this from my bed, with my cat Hubble curled up on my chest, sleeping.
Life without cats is not a life. Go greet your new friend.
posted by lydhre at 6:02 AM on December 22, 2012 [5 favorites]
Life without cats is not a life. Go greet your new friend.
posted by lydhre at 6:02 AM on December 22, 2012 [5 favorites]
What timing. I woke up this morning thinking about a cat I loved and lost more than five years ago. Got a little misty, too. Anyhow, a month or so after my dear Catman, who I had taken in as a stray, died a friend told me about a young stray female that was hanging around her workplace, and asked whether I would take her. I couldn't bear the thought. A few months went by, my friend continued to mention the cat and I continued to turn a deaf ear, and then the weather started to turn. Now I couldn't bear the thought of this supposedly friendly cat facing winter without a home, so I sighed and said all right, I'd take her.
After riding home in the car with nary a peep out of her, I placed the carrier on the kitchen floor and opened the door. She moseyed out of the carrier, walked through the entire house around the perimiter of every room, and walked back into the kitchen and looked at me like "Got any food in this joint?" Very cool customer, about a year and a half old according to the vet.
For the first few weeks she was quite aloof and I thought she would never warm up to me. I rarely saw her. It was more like having a roomate than a pet, but I decided to let her live with me on her terms. But then one evening there she was, lying on the floor in the same room with me. Pretty soon she was in the same room almost all the time. Then up on my lap for a quick petting session. Now, four years later, she's at the door when I get home and even though I know she's hungry, she rolls around on the floor in delirious joy for a few minutes of bum and chin and tummy rubs. She cuddles up for sleeping, comes when I call her, and has altogether filled the hole in my heart.
Get the kitten.
posted by Dolley at 6:10 AM on December 22, 2012 [6 favorites]
After riding home in the car with nary a peep out of her, I placed the carrier on the kitchen floor and opened the door. She moseyed out of the carrier, walked through the entire house around the perimiter of every room, and walked back into the kitchen and looked at me like "Got any food in this joint?" Very cool customer, about a year and a half old according to the vet.
For the first few weeks she was quite aloof and I thought she would never warm up to me. I rarely saw her. It was more like having a roomate than a pet, but I decided to let her live with me on her terms. But then one evening there she was, lying on the floor in the same room with me. Pretty soon she was in the same room almost all the time. Then up on my lap for a quick petting session. Now, four years later, she's at the door when I get home and even though I know she's hungry, she rolls around on the floor in delirious joy for a few minutes of bum and chin and tummy rubs. She cuddles up for sleeping, comes when I call her, and has altogether filled the hole in my heart.
Get the kitten.
posted by Dolley at 6:10 AM on December 22, 2012 [6 favorites]
I adopted two adult shelter cats for the reasons you list and I love them very much, wouldn't trade them for any other cat. They are pretty much the highlight of every day for me and my husband. If you want to go that route it's a great route.
However, I do agree with the point that you could easily get a shelter companion for this cat. And adult cats you adopt are not without their own issues either - unless you adopt old cats who mostly just want to sit in laps and cuddle (the drawback of which is that then you have to confront the prospect of losing another beloved friend sooner because of their age), the young cats are still quite rambunctious. I adopted mine at 1.5 years old each and we're still working on behavior stuff all the time.
I can tell you this much - you can adopt this kitten or not, there is no right answer (although I'm a total softie too and I wouldn't be able to leave the kitten knowing it might be put to sleep) - but I think it's highly unlikely that you'd end up regretting taking it, if you decide to do so.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:11 AM on December 22, 2012
However, I do agree with the point that you could easily get a shelter companion for this cat. And adult cats you adopt are not without their own issues either - unless you adopt old cats who mostly just want to sit in laps and cuddle (the drawback of which is that then you have to confront the prospect of losing another beloved friend sooner because of their age), the young cats are still quite rambunctious. I adopted mine at 1.5 years old each and we're still working on behavior stuff all the time.
I can tell you this much - you can adopt this kitten or not, there is no right answer (although I'm a total softie too and I wouldn't be able to leave the kitten knowing it might be put to sleep) - but I think it's highly unlikely that you'd end up regretting taking it, if you decide to do so.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:11 AM on December 22, 2012
Nthing the advice that new cats turn up when they're supposed to, and it'll probably be at random. Years ago, one of our beloved cats died after he fell out of a tree. Obviously, we were all pretty gutted and the house didn't feel the same without him. A few weeks later we went to the shop and came home with some cigarettes, two bottles of Coke and a kitten that had been abandoned there. He spent the rest of the evening switching between sizing up the other cats in the house and being curled up quite happily on my lap, though he never did quite forgive us for getting him neutered a few months later. So yeah, go and get to know your new buddy, you'll have a blast together.
posted by peteyjlawson at 6:41 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by peteyjlawson at 6:41 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: A couple months ago I was in your shoes and put this up in AskMe. I was missing my departed HC pretty badly and feared what you do, but the replies helped, so I went to see a cat at the local rescue and she bored me but there was another one who was trying to un-latch the door on her cage, trying to grab passersby and chattering away.
I took Electra home that day. And yeah, she's been troublesome as a few-months-old cat, but she really has helped heal the broken hearts around here and the wild kitten behavior made our old dog more alive too.
Electra isn't HC. We still miss her, and now and then think we hear her jumping off her food counter. Electra is her own cat, very different in demeanor, energy and common sense from HC. She is a wonderful cat in her own way and we feel lucky to have her. I wish you that luck for yourself.
posted by jet_silver at 6:59 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I took Electra home that day. And yeah, she's been troublesome as a few-months-old cat, but she really has helped heal the broken hearts around here and the wild kitten behavior made our old dog more alive too.
Electra isn't HC. We still miss her, and now and then think we hear her jumping off her food counter. Electra is her own cat, very different in demeanor, energy and common sense from HC. She is a wonderful cat in her own way and we feel lucky to have her. I wish you that luck for yourself.
posted by jet_silver at 6:59 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am still and will probably always be brokenhearted about losing our Great White Devil, who I'm pretty sure was half marshmallow. He was the Best Cat Ever. I was also worried about adopting another cat and the pain of his being not-Finnegan. But I also knew that Finnegan had left a gaping hole in our household and that the whole place would be off-kilter until we found another cat. Besides, I felt as though it was our duty to Finnegan to adopt another cat in his place, because he had been a shelter cat, and another shelter cat needed us.
About two months later, we adopted Marlowe, who is, almost literally, Finnegan's photographic negative--he's absolutely, completely black. I think I may have chosen him partly because he looked so different from Finnegan that I couldn't possibly be disappointed when he turned out not to be Finnegan reincarnated. My husband bonded with Marlowe almost as soon as they met and Marlowe jumped into his lap; it took me maybe a week longer, during which time he followed me around like a dog and lay all sprawled out like a miniature panther watching me cook or do housework.
We have always adopted adult cats (or half-grown kittens) who need less socialization or supervision, because we both work during the day, and I have to admit that knowing their personalities has something to do with it, too. But my sister and her family regularly adopt kittens and raise them, and as adult cats every one of them has a lovely personality. Maybe it's because they've just been lucky, but I think a lot of it has to do with the amount of time she and my nieces, now in middle school, spent snuggling and cuddling and playing with them. They are much loved cats, and it shows in their personalities.
The litterboxes are a minor annoyance, and we have a reliable catsitter we call on regularly to look after our cats when we travel (which is frequent), who also takes in our mail and turns the lights on and off and just generally sets our mind at ease about the house while we're gone. It's a small price to pay for peace of mind. I think the hardest part of being owned by cats is what we went through with Finnegan at the end and what we are now going through with his sister, who is eighteen and just spent a few days at the veterinarian's having IV fluids pumped into her and being force-fed. She was just diagnosed with chronic renal failure (stage 2-3), like Finnegan was, and last Saturday she apparently "crashed." While she's much better now, she requires a lot more care and monitoring. Subcutaneous fluids are probably in her future, sooner rather than later, and needless to say, I won't be going anywhere for a while, even to visit my husband while he is on one of his sabbatical collaborations.
But even these things, and the expense of caring for her in her final months (or, dare I hope, years) are not a big deal. What hurts most of all is all the uncertainty--are we doing all the right things? Is she happy, comfortable? How will we know when it's time? Are we doing everything we possibly could? Is there something we should be doing that we are completely unaware of? And when will it happen--next week? Next month? Next December? When will we suddenly be bereft of the beautiful furry orange girl with the tail ringed like a lemur's who has been with us for most of our marriage?
I think the hardest thing about adopting another cat after you've lost one is that fact that no matter who it is, you WILL bond to that cat, and you will love him/her, and then you will lose her, and it's only easier because you know what to expect, but the loss itself never gets easier. Maybe that's at the back of your mind. But, oh, that will never stop me from adopting another one. I like the advice about getting an older cat to keep the kitten company. Get a black one (as we did), because for some stupid reason they really are hard to adopt out, but every black cat I have ever known has been awesome, so let's just say they're for the more discerning prospective cat owners.
posted by tully_monster at 7:05 AM on December 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
About two months later, we adopted Marlowe, who is, almost literally, Finnegan's photographic negative--he's absolutely, completely black. I think I may have chosen him partly because he looked so different from Finnegan that I couldn't possibly be disappointed when he turned out not to be Finnegan reincarnated. My husband bonded with Marlowe almost as soon as they met and Marlowe jumped into his lap; it took me maybe a week longer, during which time he followed me around like a dog and lay all sprawled out like a miniature panther watching me cook or do housework.
We have always adopted adult cats (or half-grown kittens) who need less socialization or supervision, because we both work during the day, and I have to admit that knowing their personalities has something to do with it, too. But my sister and her family regularly adopt kittens and raise them, and as adult cats every one of them has a lovely personality. Maybe it's because they've just been lucky, but I think a lot of it has to do with the amount of time she and my nieces, now in middle school, spent snuggling and cuddling and playing with them. They are much loved cats, and it shows in their personalities.
The litterboxes are a minor annoyance, and we have a reliable catsitter we call on regularly to look after our cats when we travel (which is frequent), who also takes in our mail and turns the lights on and off and just generally sets our mind at ease about the house while we're gone. It's a small price to pay for peace of mind. I think the hardest part of being owned by cats is what we went through with Finnegan at the end and what we are now going through with his sister, who is eighteen and just spent a few days at the veterinarian's having IV fluids pumped into her and being force-fed. She was just diagnosed with chronic renal failure (stage 2-3), like Finnegan was, and last Saturday she apparently "crashed." While she's much better now, she requires a lot more care and monitoring. Subcutaneous fluids are probably in her future, sooner rather than later, and needless to say, I won't be going anywhere for a while, even to visit my husband while he is on one of his sabbatical collaborations.
But even these things, and the expense of caring for her in her final months (or, dare I hope, years) are not a big deal. What hurts most of all is all the uncertainty--are we doing all the right things? Is she happy, comfortable? How will we know when it's time? Are we doing everything we possibly could? Is there something we should be doing that we are completely unaware of? And when will it happen--next week? Next month? Next December? When will we suddenly be bereft of the beautiful furry orange girl with the tail ringed like a lemur's who has been with us for most of our marriage?
I think the hardest thing about adopting another cat after you've lost one is that fact that no matter who it is, you WILL bond to that cat, and you will love him/her, and then you will lose her, and it's only easier because you know what to expect, but the loss itself never gets easier. Maybe that's at the back of your mind. But, oh, that will never stop me from adopting another one. I like the advice about getting an older cat to keep the kitten company. Get a black one (as we did), because for some stupid reason they really are hard to adopt out, but every black cat I have ever known has been awesome, so let's just say they're for the more discerning prospective cat owners.
posted by tully_monster at 7:05 AM on December 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
I just want to add: Unless there is a compelling reason for you to have only one cat, it's so much better for a kitten to have an adult companion. Older cats naturally teach kittens "kitty manners" and this will also make your kitten used to other cats in case you want to add another one later. Just in my own experiences, kittens raised with only humans can be a little squirrely in temperament and also don't take to other cats well. And even if you are absolutely positive that you only want one cat now, you never know when a second cat will turn up needing a home or you get a partner or roommate who arrives with another cat in tow, and you have a multi-cat household willy-nilly. (Speaks the voice of experience.) Then you might have a cat who truly wants to be an only who just can't be, and it varies how well the "wannabe only" adjusts. So it's better for cats to learn to like other cats from the get-go.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 7:21 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 7:21 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm in the just say yes to cats.
Can you house it on a temp basis?
I have three cats, stinky litter is down to internal cat magic as anything (regular cleaning aside). As is the 5am wake-ups, but you will get that initially.
Especially with a six-week orphan. Do you know if it is house-trained?
I'm also down with the "have multiple cats" school.
Hang around with the cat. Express an interest. You will know as soon as you meet.
posted by Mezentian at 7:56 AM on December 22, 2012
Can you house it on a temp basis?
I have three cats, stinky litter is down to internal cat magic as anything (regular cleaning aside). As is the 5am wake-ups, but you will get that initially.
Especially with a six-week orphan. Do you know if it is house-trained?
I'm also down with the "have multiple cats" school.
Hang around with the cat. Express an interest. You will know as soon as you meet.
posted by Mezentian at 7:56 AM on December 22, 2012
Kitty needs a home. Your home needs a kitty. Go see the kitty. You'll know.
posted by trip and a half at 9:03 AM on December 22, 2012
posted by trip and a half at 9:03 AM on December 22, 2012
I think it is a sign. IMO, the universe is trying to help you both. The kitten can help bandage your broken heart and you can provide a home for a deserving animal. I hope you give it a shot. If it is the right fit, you can always add another cat to the mix later. So sorry for your loss.
posted by melangell at 9:34 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by melangell at 9:34 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's been less than three weeks since I lost my best cat ever and this whole thread is making me cry, again. I'm not ready for a new cat. And I have two other cats, but they're both firmly attached to other people in my family. I know if I got a cat right now, it would because I'm so sad and miss my girl so much. But yesterday we were at our local pet store that has pet adoptions and I thought, oh, I'll just look, if the right cat is there, I'll know, the universe will tell me somehow that this is the cat for our home. When we walked up to the adoption room, there was a volunteer inside cleaning cages, the door was closed. The universe spoke. No cat for me right now. I think you have a sign. You're going to be okay. Advice for an adult shelter cat is good.
posted by upatree at 9:52 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by upatree at 9:52 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I hear you. I miss my kitty Smudge all the time. My husband and I got two kitties when we moved in together, and while they don't replace Smudge, I love them also. Get the kitty if you feel ready. Kitty purrs are one of lifes great pleasures.
As for stinky litter box, I cant recommend a covered litter box + Fresh Step scoopable (or equivalent off-brand) enough. Even if we don't scoop daily, the litter + box masks the smell almost completely.
posted by Verdandi at 9:57 AM on December 22, 2012
As for stinky litter box, I cant recommend a covered litter box + Fresh Step scoopable (or equivalent off-brand) enough. Even if we don't scoop daily, the litter + box masks the smell almost completely.
posted by Verdandi at 9:57 AM on December 22, 2012
I brought Sparky home at lunch time one day in 1980; he was six weeks old and a young co-worker had "adopted" him but her mother wouldn't let her keep him. I still lived at home and my Mom was absolutely anti-cat. "Don't bother giving him a name, he won't be here long enough to learn it," was her reaction when I set Sparky on the floor. Flash forward a few months and Sparky was Mom's constant companion, and the Smartest Cat in the World (according to her). It absolutely broke her heart when he fell ill at age nine and passed away a few months later.
She kept saying there'd never be another Sparky, and I agreed with her - after all, if one of my brothers died, there'd never be another one of him, either, I pointed out. Dad brought in another stray a few months after Sparky passed, one that was skin and bones and had been hanging around our house. Mom loved him well enough, and that cat (Frisky, my creative Dad named him) had plenty of his own quirks that made him unique, but every now and then we'd hear Mom tell him "Sparky would have figured that out" or something similar. They had Frisky several years before he succumbed to FIV. Then a stray queen had a litter in their garage, and they adopted two of the kittens who stayed behind when mama cat tried to move her babies elsewhere. One of those two kittens (Smokey) eventually became Mom's new Sparky....for whatever reason, he just "clicked" with her, and endeared himself to her, and she had him for an amazing 21 years. When Mom got her first computer, Smokey would lay on her desk and then climb on the keyboard - and Mom would leave the resulting "zzzzzcjsuenfhgdkruyf" gibberish in her emails to me with a disclaimer stating "Smokey wanted to type something." When Mom was ready for her daily afternoon nap she'd call to Smokey "Are you ready to lay down?" just like she'd done to Sparky many years before, and Smokey would trot to the bedroom and hop up on the bed, waiting for Mom to get comfy before curling up beside her.
So, long story summarized: adopt the new kitten. He won't be a kitten for long (and kittens aren't nearly as wild and destructive as puppies; they at least still nap for a large portion of the day) and one way or another he'll worm his way into your heart. He may not be your Sparky/Smokey-type-Igor connection, but he will be a lovable fur baby that will amuse you and keep you company until that next "It" cat comes along.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:36 AM on December 22, 2012
She kept saying there'd never be another Sparky, and I agreed with her - after all, if one of my brothers died, there'd never be another one of him, either, I pointed out. Dad brought in another stray a few months after Sparky passed, one that was skin and bones and had been hanging around our house. Mom loved him well enough, and that cat (Frisky, my creative Dad named him) had plenty of his own quirks that made him unique, but every now and then we'd hear Mom tell him "Sparky would have figured that out" or something similar. They had Frisky several years before he succumbed to FIV. Then a stray queen had a litter in their garage, and they adopted two of the kittens who stayed behind when mama cat tried to move her babies elsewhere. One of those two kittens (Smokey) eventually became Mom's new Sparky....for whatever reason, he just "clicked" with her, and endeared himself to her, and she had him for an amazing 21 years. When Mom got her first computer, Smokey would lay on her desk and then climb on the keyboard - and Mom would leave the resulting "zzzzzcjsuenfhgdkruyf" gibberish in her emails to me with a disclaimer stating "Smokey wanted to type something." When Mom was ready for her daily afternoon nap she'd call to Smokey "Are you ready to lay down?" just like she'd done to Sparky many years before, and Smokey would trot to the bedroom and hop up on the bed, waiting for Mom to get comfy before curling up beside her.
So, long story summarized: adopt the new kitten. He won't be a kitten for long (and kittens aren't nearly as wild and destructive as puppies; they at least still nap for a large portion of the day) and one way or another he'll worm his way into your heart. He may not be your Sparky/Smokey-type-Igor connection, but he will be a lovable fur baby that will amuse you and keep you company until that next "It" cat comes along.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:36 AM on December 22, 2012
A lot of heart warming stories about adopting kittens either planned or unexpectedly, but if you have your heart set on adopting a pair of older cats (for good reason too), I would wait. Wait for the right older cat situation to come along. It is very hard to find homes for older cats. I know. I have been trying to rehome a lovely friendly lady of a 11 year old cat for some time and I have yet to find a shelter or organization that will take her. Private placements have also fallen through. She is a terrific cat that my wife left behind when she moved out. For reasons I need not go into here, I can no longer car for the cat after 3 years of her being my best pal, sleeping on my chest at nap time, sitting on my lap during tv time and generally being a good cat. Once I was able to rehome the two 4 year olds that were basically scaring her shitless (for no good reason), she has come out of her shell to reveal she is a perfect cat queen.
If you are one of the rare ones willing to adopt an older cat, your love is needed so much more than adopting a kitten. No need to rush or to compromise on your plans. It is still too soon while you are grieving your other cat.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:26 AM on December 23, 2012
If you are one of the rare ones willing to adopt an older cat, your love is needed so much more than adopting a kitten. No need to rush or to compromise on your plans. It is still too soon while you are grieving your other cat.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:26 AM on December 23, 2012
The next cat comes along when it is supposed to. It is always the perfect cat for you. This is always true IMHO.
I have always found this to be true. Give the little guy a chance.
posted by HiroProtagonist at 7:20 PM on December 23, 2012
I have always found this to be true. Give the little guy a chance.
posted by HiroProtagonist at 7:20 PM on December 23, 2012
you asked the internet if you should get a cat?
Awesome, that tells me you want it, and of course it will love you!
hivemind says yes to cats
and pictures of cats...
posted by ibakecake at 9:42 PM on December 23, 2012
Awesome, that tells me you want it, and of course it will love you!
hivemind says yes to cats
and pictures of cats...
posted by ibakecake at 9:42 PM on December 23, 2012
Response by poster: Thanks guys. I'm going to meet the kitten, and if it's a match, he will come home with us, and we'll add a shelter cat to keep him company. If he's not a match, my colleague has another friend who will take him, and I will keep looking.
Yay cats!
posted by indienial at 2:37 AM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
Yay cats!
posted by indienial at 2:37 AM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Follow-up: We decided not to take my colleague's kitten because her boyfriend said he'd take it. Instead, we visited the shelter, met a lot of cats and have brought home one-year-old Fat Charlie and a younger "brother" Spider.
Fat Charlie's real brother was adopted out solo by mistake (they were supposed to go together) so the poor boy was miserable. But as soon as he and Spider were put together at the pound, they got on like a house on fire, so yay!
Thanks for the help MeFites.
posted by indienial at 2:09 PM on January 13, 2013 [5 favorites]
Fat Charlie's real brother was adopted out solo by mistake (they were supposed to go together) so the poor boy was miserable. But as soon as he and Spider were put together at the pound, they got on like a house on fire, so yay!
Thanks for the help MeFites.
posted by indienial at 2:09 PM on January 13, 2013 [5 favorites]
Best answer: OMG hurray! Go Fat Charlie and Spider!
(You done good.)
posted by trip and a half at 8:12 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
(You done good.)
posted by trip and a half at 8:12 PM on January 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
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The last thing I want is to end up in this situation.
posted by indienial at 11:56 PM on December 21, 2012