I'm not Mrs Him!
December 20, 2012 5:13 AM Subscribe
I am not Mrs Myhusband'sfirstinitial Myhusband'slastname. I keep getting Christmas cards that suggest I am. Is there any way of nicely asking people not to do this that isn't rude or churlish?
posted by raspberry-ripple to human relations (129 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
When I got married, after a great deal of soul-searching, I eventually decided to keep my own surname but add my husband's on at the end without hyphenating it (so I am officially Mrs Firstname Mysurname Hissurname). However, even people who know that I did this, know that I thought very very hard about doing it, and know that, of all things, I really, really did not want to just take his surname and ditch mine altogether, persist in addressing things to Mr and Mrs X Hisname. (It is slightly complicated by the fact that our first names do start with the same initial, but I'm pretty sure they mean his first initial and not mine.)
I'm sure this comes across as being uppitty and pedantic, but it's a big deal to me. There were a few reasons why I didn't want to change my name to his - largely they were equality/feminist reasons (why should it be me who loses the name?), but a lot of it was also to do with the fact that I am very, very close to my family and not at all close to his, so having the same name as his family and not mine seemed completely wrong. Anyone reasonably close to me knows that this was a big issue for me, so it really bothers me that they just call me by his name regardless.
I'm starting to think that if people insist on leaving half of my surname out then the only option I have is to just go back to my maiden name, as if I had to pick only one of the surnames I'd go with mine rather than his. However, my husband would, I suspect, feel this was a kind of rejection, as as sensible as he is, he's never really entirely understood how I feel about the issue.
I really don't want to annoy or criticise people who are, after all, good enough to send us cards in the first place, but I'm a little miffed that I went through months of agonising and a deed poll just to be called Mrs Him regardless. (I get that it's easier and quicker just to write one surname on an envelope, but really, what's wrong with just "Hisfirstname and Myfirstname", if it's really that hard?) Is there anything I can do? Many thanks in advance!