How young is too young to get engaged?
December 18, 2012 2:45 PM Subscribe
What are some good SECULAR reads (books or websites are both great) on getting engaged, marriage, etc.? Particularly for those who are not engaged but would like to get engaged in the (maybe not-so-distant) future.
Also, some relationship-specific questions inside. Primarily, when's a good time to get engaged?
posted by BenS to human relations (30 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
It seems like every book I can find on the topic is religious in nature, while we are both non-religious. I'm thinking books with advice for couples looking to make the plunge. Questions to ask that may not have been asked. Compatibility issues that may not have been considered. Something that covers these types of topics WHILE being secular is perfect!
Relationship-specific stuff follows. Feel free to just give me reading recommendations and skip the rest.
I'll need to give a few details at first. We are both 20, Juniors in college, and have been together for 3 years and 9 months or so. Started dating our Junior year in high school. My parents are just about done finalizing their divorce. Because of their divorce and my girlfriend's parents' awful relationship, I am really hesitant to get engaged. I want to be together with whoever I marry and not have a shitty relationship, for my future kids' sake.
Despite this, we are WAY farther along in our relationship than either of our parents were at this point in time being together. My parents were together for two or three years before getting married right after college. Her parents married right out of high school. We live together and are definitely sexually compatible (I know that played a role in the failure of my parent's marriage).
Anyways, my main relationship-specific question is, how young do YOU (or relationship/marriage experts) think is too young to get engaged?
The cynical side of me looks at our parents' failed relationships and makes me think I'm far too young to get engaged and be guaranteed (well not guaranteed, but as much as one can be going into a marriage) to have a long, healthy marriage. But then the other side of me looks at how wonderful our relationship is, how great the sex is, how compatible our personalities are, how compatible our long-term goals are, etc. and it makes me just want to take the step and just get engaged; at least by the time we graduate college in a year and a half.
Any advice? Anything I'm overlooking? I hope I wasn't too long-winded (that's a bad habit of mine). Feel free to ask questions.