Why am I not in a relationship?
December 16, 2012 8:49 PM Subscribe
Almost 21 and I still have not had a serious relationship - what is wrong with me? How can I change this?
posted by cyml to human relations (42 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
Everyone I know is in a relationship except me. I am almost 21 and still fairly inexperienced in this field. I don’t feel that I am particularly ugly but guys are rarely interested in pursuing a relationship with me and I feel like I am falling behind. I do not want to wake up one day, 40 years old and completely alone.
I feel this is largely because I'm quite different from my age group in that I'm fairly pragmatic and I do not have the same ideals that they hold about the world, which probably means I have differing views on what a relationship. I am also different from other girls my age. I think I may seem emotionally unavailable but I'm not even sure if this is something that people can pick up on just from having conversations with me. I have always been very independent. I also have others that depend on me. I am not particularly affectionate and emotional. I don’t like asking for help. I am the only one of my friends that is completely financially independent. I am also fiercely protective of myself and people I care about. I am used to confrontation and standing my ground on things. For these reasons, my friends often remark that I can take on the world alone and I do not need a guy.
That is true to a degree. I do not need a guy to take care of me but I would like a companion that cares about me. However, guys tend to overlook me completely or tell me to my face that they are scared of me and that I would not be someone they would want to mess with. Obviously I don’t want anyone messing around with me but I don’t want people to be terrified of me either.
People remark to me that I’m mature and so the guys my age are simply too immature for me. Is this a lie to make me feel better or is this actually the case? This whole situation worries and saddens me. How do I change this? Should I change? Should I even be worried at this age over something like this? Do girls like me ever end up with someone? I guess I am asking, is there hope or do I need to take steps to adapt to other people's requirements?
Anything you have will help because I seriously have no one that I can go to for advice like this.