Casual relationships and gender norms, plus any feedback on this guy's behavior?
December 12, 2012 8:26 AM Subscribe
Mixed signals from a guy I made out with. What do they mean? Any hopes for further fun? And also, on a philosophical level, what are your thoughts on women pursuing men and differences in the rules of the game for dating versus casual fun?
posted by thesnowyslaps to Human Relations (25 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So, Met this guy a couple of weeks ago when out with some friends. We had kind of a fun and random night, and made out at the end. He struck me as someone who is a natural flirt and who is enjoying himself at the moment (mentioned within my hearing to another person in the group that he is dating a lot recently), but it was kind of fun to hang out with him and be pursued for the evening.
I didn't see him for a couple of days afterwards, but eventually ran into him around school and, well, upon seeing him it occurred to me that I would have liked to have made out more. So . . . I sent him a fb message and asked if he wanted to hang out. I think it was pretty obvious that I wasn't thinking date level hanging out, more fwb hanging out, or at least that was how it was meant. He replied almost immediately in the affirmative. I messaged back a bit later to set up a time/day. And . . . he never messaged back! Grrr . . .
So, that was maybe two and a half weeks ago. Ran into him about a week ago in the library and he seemed happy to see me and walked with me back to the apartment complex where we both live. He opened the door to the apartment complex for me in a kind of demonstrative way, then when it seemed like we were going to part because I was taking the stairs and he was taking the elevator, he turned around and wanted to walk up together.
So, at this point my pride is probably rightly saying not to message him a second time (plus enough time has passed that my motivation to do that has gone down) but I feel slightly baffled by his behavior. Should I pursue him any further? And more philosophically, in your opinion, how do rules (or guidelines if you will) for pursuing differ when you are looking for something casual versus something that would go in more of the 'dating' category? And, perhaps even more philosophically, how do you think these sorts of rules should/do differ for men versus women. Present situation aside, I am a girl but I kind of like pursuing people (in addition to liking to be pursued as mentioned earlier), or would like to pursue people more. But I always feel frustrated that pursuit of men will make me seem desperate or something. Your thoughts on any/all of this multipart question would be greatly appreciated!