At which point is your partners inability to compromise a deal-breaker? At which point is your partners inability to compromise a deal-breaker?
December 7, 2012 8:50 PM Subscribe
At which point is your partners inability to compromise a deal-breaker? A friend stays at home with a baby and also cares for a disabled child. Husband will not compromise on their sleep issues and she is going downhill mentally fast due to extreme sleep deprivation.
posted by tenaciousmoon to human relations (48 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
This has been an ongoing argument between the two of them throughout the relationship.
He works long and hard hours outdoors in harsh climate as a tradesman. He is in bed by 8pm, she's up with the baby until 10-11pm. She wakes to feed the baby during the night, he's up at 5am and then she's up at 6am to care for the children again.
The first problem is that he stops breathing, snores and tosses in bed all night and refuses to seek medical aid for this to resolve it.
He also becomes extremely angry if asked to sleep on the couch.
If she decides to sleep on the couch herself, she is frequently interrupted by his night snacking and smoking a few times a night. He appears to do this in a half-asleep state and if interrupted becomes aggressive and yells and swears. These nightly eating and smoking breaks also wake the children and messes with the babies schedule making it fussy during the day and messes with the disabled child's sleep making him perform poorly at school.
He also has a snooze-button routine in the morning which can take up to an hour and wakes all 4 of them up far before they would have to get up.
The live in a TINY space and there is no other space in which to sleep or separate parties.
She's only getting about 2 hours uninterrupted each night and about 4-5 total with all of the wakings.
He refuses to acknowledge her need for sleep as she 'does nothing at home all day' with the kids and will not discuss or come to a compromise. She feels anxiety towards returning to work in a few months as she would not be able to perform on her demanding workload with so little sleep.
Her sleep deprivation is making her disoriented, unable to care for the children properly and extremely resentful, angry and aggressive towards her husband.
He refuses counseling, discussing, negotiating, compromising. What can she do other than leave?