Crush with eyeliner
December 5, 2012 4:40 PM Subscribe
Could this all-consuming crush be due to either thyroid or peri-menopause hormones or something else besides a bolt of lightning?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
So I have a great, 10-year long, relationship with my best friend (we're both female). In the past couple of years we've become even closer and 5 days ago, I developed a massive crush on her. It's bad. I think about her all day and night, play scenarios out in my head, talk to myself in my car about her, started a playlist (I told you it was bad!), etc. I've also got insomnia something bad which is unusual for me.
The crush part is actually ok and I'm enjoying the ride. There's no way I can ever breathe a word of it to her since we are both in crappy marriages and, more importantly, she has said she doesn't think she could become a lesbian (in talks unrelated to how much I want to kiss her). But I think I can maintain some semblance of pride and dignity until it goes away. Except for the times when I feel like I want to throw up from the overwhelmingness of it all.
Which brings me to my question, why did it start to begin with? I've always been somewhat attracted to her (as I am to most of my friends) and I've had some dreams about her throughout the years. And I love her most of any of the adults in my life. But when I woke up from those dreams in the past, I thought, "that's silly because I don't find her attractive in *that* way" (although I find other women very attractive in that way).
This happened in an instant and I can't seem to turn it off. Some things I'm thinking about are peri-menopause (I think I'm having signs, haven't talked to my doctor yet) or thyroid levels. I had my thyroid out about 14 months ago and am still in the process of adjusting my levels.
The peri-menopause stuff I'm reading describes personality changes in the opposite direction: depression, anger, etc. so I was wondering if anyone else had this type of reaction instead.
It just seems so overwhelming and uncontrollable that it's made me wonder if there is a chemical or hormonal imbalance going on. I feel almost like I'm manic but I'm not bi-polar or depressed at all (and I know those signs too well - see "crappy marriage" above). But I'm walking around whistling and snapping my fingers at work and just have the biggest smile all the time. Does this set off red flags with anyone? Is there something serious I should be thinking about here?
throwaway account: firstname.lastname@example.org if you have questions