There's something missing in my house.
December 1, 2012 1:00 AM Subscribe
My partner has temporarily moved out due to financial difficulty. Does the pain ever end?
posted by Pericardium to human relations (31 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
She had her car repossessed and they're auctioning it Monday. Today she came home, told me her Mom said she would lend her the $1100 but only under the condition that she move back in. She's gone now.
We're a homosexual couple and her Mom didn't approve, which is probably the main reason for that ultimatum. I'm trying to come up with the money to help but with the short time frame (she would need it before she goes to work tomorrow at 8am, nothing's going to be open in time) things are looking grim.
I don't know what to do. I feel as if this is the worst pain I've ever been in. Her things are still here and she's coming to pick them up later. I now have to find another place to stay because I can't stay in our home by myself - it hurts too much. It was the first place we chose together, signed the lease together. The first place that wasn't "well she's over so often and oh her toothbrush and clothes are here so we kinda live together."
But it hurts to even think of seeing her, going out on dates, things of that sort. It hurts that we won't wake up together anymore, we won't have dinner or lunch together, we won't stay up late at night watching TV, having pillow talk, making love anything. She'll have a set time she has to be home and I know from experiences that her Mom isn't going to want her staying here too frequently (we went through that before we moved in together) and I doubt she'll defy that because her Mom is helping her.
I don't know how to deal. I've never felt like this before. The thought of seeing her again, hugging her, anything just hurts too much. I'm hurt that she didn't want to stay and try to work out sharing a vehicle. I feel like she broke up our family unit, something we were building together. I told her I could take care of the rent, bills, groceries and what-not until she got back on her feet, but she doesn't want me to do that and that won't help her get her car back in time anyway.
I just need to know how to cope. Some nights I can't fall asleep without her. Our schedules are so different and we usually only had time together between school and work. I'd wait up for her and we'd cuddle and talk and fall asleep together. Now she's so far away that most of that time will be gone. Also, I'm alone... in our home together... with all of her things. And I'll either be here when she picks them up or I'll come home one day and it'll all be gone. She tells me she wants to move back in together when she gets on her feet financially... but knowing her finances, I don't know when or if that will happen. She'll be done with school this month, but she owes them money. So she has to pay her Mom off, then that off... then what if she decides she doesn't want to move back in together until after she finishes law school? She said it would be under a year but I feel like this is the end for us. I'm afraid that I'll wait... and wait... and wait... and wait...
Part of me is furious with her for letting her payments get that far behind and not taking action before something like this happened. Part of me is furious with myself for not saying sooner, "Hey, let me help you out with this month's payment." I knew she was behind, I just never thought anything like this would happen. She'd have needed $300 or so dollars to catch up. I wish I could go back in time and offer it to her. I feel like I was selfish - I lent her money for her car payments before via credit card and it was like yanking teeth just to get her to make a payment on that every month. So when she told me she was behind I didn't speak up, and now I feel like, she was my partner. I should have helped her anyway. I should have thought of us the way I wanted her to tonight - as a partnership who goes through tough times together. I should have offered to pay her share of the bills for a month or two so she could focus on her car, and told her not to worry about paying me back. Anything.
I'm sorry for the rambling. It's hard to describe the pain I'm in right now. It feels different from a break up because there's no closure. She still wants to be together, but I don't even know if I can handle that. I told her on the phone I didn't think I could handle it and we were done. She asked me to wait and see how I feel once I've given the pain time and I've agreed.
But still, how do I go to sleep at night without her? How do I wake up in the morning with her not there next to me? How do I look in the dresser and see only my stuff? How do I pick out a Christmas tree, alone? How do I forgive her? I realize that in her scenario she probably felt like she had no other option. She needs her car to get to work and school, and sharing would help but we don't know if that would work long term. She told me it broke her heart too and that she wanted to marry me someday and to please understand. She actually said the words, "please be my wife [someday?]" and I said... nothing. But moved out so suddenly... She came home, I thought everything was fine. She told me. Then an hour later she was gone for good. I cried hysterically the whole time. I feel hysterical. I feel alone. I'm lucky that I have the weekend off because I don't know if I would have it in me to go to work tomorrow.
I feel it would actually be -less- painful if she had moved back due to relationship problems. People separate all the time, there's support groups for that, I'm sure I could buy a book. That would make sense to me. This doesn't. How do I help myself heal? Thank you, if you've gotten this far.