post, the only difference was that I was desperate for friendship and was not and never thought of this person in a romantic way. I still feel so ashamed for over disclosing and acting in an insecure way with a coworker despite a couple of years passing by. How can I truly move past this and forgive myself?
A couple of years ago, I was truly a mess, was going through a lot in my life, and didn’t have people that I felt like I could confide in. So, I turned to a colleague instead. We worked in different departments, but saw each other on a regular/weekly basis. I was so incredibly insecure and desperate to have friends to the point where my anxiety was at extremes. I expressed what can be described as warning signs in this
post, and understandably so:
-There was an odd presumed intimacy that looking back on it, felt way too early and inappropriate/unexpected
-I shared many tales of how others had mistreated me
-i made it awkward for them and in the end and incredibly awkward for me too by coming across as needy, insecure, and over-disclosing far too much
-I made little comments that suggested I expected more from certain people than they expected from me
-I sought consolation/attention/reassurance because of my overbearing anxiety and fear that I did the wrong thing due to my anxiety
-I made this coworker feel suffocated because of my overbearing insecurities and over disclosure
I felt like quickly, the acquaintance relationship turned sour because of my behaviour. I was such a basket case at this point in my life. In the end, I sent an email asking why we hadn't talked for a certain period of time and then freaked out on the person. I truly feel disgusted with this behavior since it was all so incredibly out of character for me and I have never forgiven myself for treating my coworker this way. We live in a small town and still work at the same workplace although thankfully we pretty much never run into each other. Yet, I always fear running into this person because I hang my head with shame after expressing this behavior. Now, that I’m in a much better mental state and a couple years have passed by, I can see what happened here through a better perspective. But, I can’t seem to forgive myself and I fear that the shamefulness and guilt will not go away for acting like such a basketcase.
How can I truly move past this?