How to solve a distance problem with an ex-girlfriend?
November 24, 2012 11:14 PM Subscribe
The girl I used to see and I are living on different coasts and she doesn't think I care enough about her. Should I move to New York so we can be together?
posted by commitment to Human Relations (31 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We met each other while working abroad teaching English for the same company. We had a non-committed relationship, but we didn't see any other people. She often came over to my place and we spent almost every weekend together.
She had to move out of the country for a few weeks, but when she came back, she moved into the apartment right next to me and we spent all our time together.
A few months later (which was 11 months into our relationship), things went bad on a vacation together. She really loved me and was crazy about me. I liked her a lot and was very happy with her but didn't care for her as much as she cared for me. She wanted to get married. I agreed that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend but she wanted marriage.
She met some of my relatives during that vacation and because of the emotional stress, she didn't make a good impression. Those relatives told my parents bad things about her so my parents don't like her even though they never met her. I met her parents before and I didn't like her mother.
We ended up breaking up because it was too emotionally painful for her to stay with me and she moved back to her hometown of New York City. We kept in touch and I finished my contract abroad for another 7 months before moving back to the States too in April 2012. She wanted me to move to New York to be with her. I ended up moving back to Southern California where I'm from. I chose there because it was better financially for me to go there where I have some old work contacts and family. I also was afraid that moving to New York would be another emotional strain for her.
I visited her for Labor Day weekend and we both visited San Francisco for Thanksgiving.
We both think that there's no future together because we live on opposite coasts. She wants me to move to NYC. I don't think she should move to Southern California because she loves her hometown and has her family there. She's been seeing another guy for a couple of months but she still cares for me a lot.
I don't have any attachment to where I live, but I think I should stay there for a while (at least another year and a half) and save some money. I feel a slight sense of loyalty to my boss and my boss's boss now because I worked with them before I worked abroad and they helped me get my current job without even having to interview for it. My job is with computer software (unrelated to the teaching English I did abroad)
The time I spent with this girl was one of the happiest times of my life and I feel like I lost it and can never get it back. Should I move to New York?