Help me get over an unnecessary circumcision
November 20, 2012 6:53 AM Subscribe
I need some perspective or tips on how to get past (both emotionally and phsyically) a circumcision that I've realized probably wasn't necessary.
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (20 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I was diagnosed with phimosis, which probably stemmed from a lack of instruction and understanding in my childhood, and an extremely negative attitude in my family towards sex and sexual education. Several old-school doctors failed to inform me of stretching options, instead choosing to terrify me with stories of penile cancer until I got the operation done.
It's been ten years since, and I still quite haven't recovered emotionally, despite having been in therapy for 3 years and approaching the problem from a number of angles.
I get resentful thinking about the past partners of any sexual partner I've had; it's poisonous thinking but I can't get past the idea that someone else has enjoyed her sexuality more fully than me due to the fact that they had an intact body. It's absolutely crazy, but there are moments when I can feel very little and my partner's obvious pleasure causes me great pain. I can't believe we can be so close yet so far away in terms of experience at that moment. These are isolated moments, and they don't reflect my normal attitudes about sex, but they do indicate that I need to get past this somehow.
When I read about it on the internet I melt down emotionally. Recent questions here on MetaFilter indicate that no one in their right mind would have had the operation done without exploring other options. I can't forgive myself for what I consider to have been a childish decision made out of fear and based on misinformation.
I find myself turning to compulsive masturbation and pornography when I get extremely down about it, paradoxically enough. It has poisoned relationships for me. It makes me feel as though I'll never be fit to be a mature sexual adult in a mature relationship, but I know that isn't true. My current partner is marvelously supportive, but I know she can't relate fully to these specific emotions.
I've found that my situation has made me more experimental and adventurous sexually, so that is a plus.
One of my worries is that this will lead, psychologically and physically, to impotence.
I've purchased a Manhood but it makes me sad to use it.
I've tried talking to my parents about my anger at them but they brush it off.
I know I need to refocus on this in therapy but I don't make much progress and the week-long delays between sessions leave me in turmoil. Therapy has been marvelously useful in fixing other problems I have, but this one won't budge.
I guess my question would be a request for some perspective, or any tips on how to restore sensation. If anyone had any anecdotes about their experiences before or after circumcision I would appreciate them. It would be enormously helpful if no one pointed out that I shouldn't have had it done; I know this. Throwaway email: firstname.lastname@example.org