How to deal with a negative boyfriend?
November 19, 2012 7:16 PM Subscribe
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend anymore.
posted by Autumn89 to Human Relations (26 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
We have been together for almost 8 months. Lately, there have been some things that have been stressing me out about our relationship. I have tried talking to him calmly, but he takes things way wrong.
He has been out of a job since July. He quit his job of over a year because he felt like his boss didn't appreciate him enough and he worked in a hostile environment. So he left...without finding a new job. He does pay a little bit of rent and he does have student loans to pay off. I cautioned him that it was a bad idea to just leave a job without finding a new one, but he didn't listen to me. I'm sure many people in his life did the same, but he told people he couldn't take it anymore.
He has had some interviews here and there, but he either finds out the person who set up the interview lied about the position or he decides that he doesn't want to do that job after getting more information about how much it pays (one place was 4 dollars an hour and 100 dollars for a sale if he made any) or what he has to do in the job.
He saved up a bunch of money before he left his job, supposedly. Sometimes he spends money and it makes me wonder shouldn't he be saving his money for if he doesn't have a job? I know it's none of my business if we don't live together, but if we did....wow, I'm glad we don't.
He is very down on himself lately. He can be very negative about this whole situation. I have the urge to just flip out on him and tell him "Everyone knows not to leave a job without finding a new one!" I know it's mean. And I've done the same with a job, but the thing is I don't have student loans to pay back, and I'm not in a financial situation where I owe anyone money. He tried to pull the same thing with me when I was quitting my job without finding one, but it didn't really work considering I got a job a week after I quit mine. I'm really aggressive when finding new jobs and follow up a lot, so that has helped me out.
Today he said something on Facebook about how it's funny he can go from being happy to depressed so fast. I shot him a text and asked if he was okay and he said he would get over whatever he was going through. Then a few minutes later he sends a text saying "I want to go to a bar and get into a fight with someone, I am in that kind of mood." I text him back saying "Uhh wtf is wrong with you?" and he sends back "I don't know!!!" At this point I am frustrated and send him this "No offense, but I think you need professional help, which isn't a bad thing. But you are taking this way too far, I mean look at what you just said!" and he replies saying he is hurt I said that because he is joking...right...
I really care about this guy. I truly do, but sometimes his negativity gets to me. I was crying when I started to type all this, but have calmed down a bit. It takes me a lot to cry, so I know he means a lot to me. He has been a very great boyfriend. He is affectionate, caring quick witted, I trust him a lot, and we both agree on things like marriage, kids, and politics. So that being said it is kind of hard to think of dumping him because he is going through a rough time. He just sent me a text saying it was a dumb joke.
We are long distance, but make time for each other at least twice a week which has been fine with both of us. But sometimes when he shuts down it hurts me cause I know it can be like I can go see him the next day or we can make up right then or there if we get into a disagreement. I'm not sure what kind of advice I want..maybe if anyone has been in this situation before or methods I can use when he is in this negative state and him and I are hanging out. Those would be great...thanks.
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