Guy in love with a guy I work with, not sure if he feels the same way. Very confused, it's consuming my life.
November 17, 2012 8:03 AM Subscribe
In love with a guy I work with but I don't know if he feels the same or is too scared to say anything. I just came out as Gay and not sure if he is or not.
I work with a few other guys, one of which I had an immediate crush on. I have kept myself in the closet up to now and finally came out for two reasons, I was severely depressed and lonely and I didn't want an opportunity to pass me by with this guy if he had the same feelings. I thought at first he was totally straight, he is hard to read and does talk about girls and had a girlfriend. I always felt uncomfortable because I thought he didn't like me, he wouldn't talk to me at first and would always talk to the other two guys mostly.
Suddenly this summer he would tease me and throw things at me playfully and we started talking and going out to lunch. I fell in love with him, we have enough in common to talk about and he is an amazing person. There are signs that he might have feelings for me, the occasional stare and smile at me, he parks right next to me everyday at work. I have been talking him up up until this point because I am afraid he might just be a nice guy and I am misreading things.
I finally came out to my family, friends, and the guys I work with. It went well, they are all very cool. I have good people I have in my life I realize and should not have been so scared. I told this guy and he said he was cool with it and that was it. I texted him one night after work because I was so confused if he had feelings or not. I told him I liked him and was unsure if he had the same feelings for me. He said he is straight, just a nice guy. He said he wasn't offended or upset and didn't intend to confuse me.
Of course I was heartbroken, that whole night and next day I never felt more upset in my life. The only thing that got me out of bed was my family being supportive and getting me out of the house. I really didn't feel I would have left otherwise.
I have a feeling though that the guys in the office were suspicious that I might be gay and liked this guy and they made it seem like he was interested to get me to come out. I don't know if it ends there though now that I am out.
I have a feeling the rest of the office knows what is going on and is trying to get him to say something to me but I don't know if he is scared or unsure of his feelings or he wants me to say something to him. If he is scared, I totally understand and want to give him the space to figure things out. The week after I told him I liked him he avoided looking and talking to me. I let it be as not to be weird or seem pushy. I finally asked another guy what he thought. He said give him some space and he will be alright. Sure enough the next week he was back to normal. He continues to park next to me and talk to me and give me those glances with a smile. I have overhead things at work that I am not sure if I am mishearing or taking out of context. He has referred to me as his boyfriend to one of the other guys. I don't know if I heard that right or not because my back was turned and it was said ever so lightly. I have heard other things where he is concerned and feels bad for how I am feeling, but again not within my vicinity to know if it was me they were talking about. I have caught out of the corner of my eye the boss pointing to me while looking at him and other guys saying 'just tell him'. I also thought I head one of the guys say 'kiss your boyfriend goodbye' as we were about to leave for the day. In which I caught another smile out of the corner of my eye. I quickly gave a smile and looked away. Last night I swear that one of the guys said 'are you ready to hookup ?'. That time I do know it was me because they have a nickname for me. Or are they just having fun with the idea that I am gay and like him? He was talking about hooking up with a girl during lunch out with the office, at which I thought I noticed one of the guys give him an annoyed look. Is he just teasing me to get a reaction out of me? I don't know if i am over analyzing or if something is really going on here.
All I have been thinking about is this guy for a very long time now, I barely function outside of work other than cooking and doing laundry. I have activities I want to pursue but this is consuming me. I don't want to miss out on a good thing, I am having panic attacks because I think I should say something but I am so unsure of what is real and what isn't.
I asked one of the guys at work if any of this was true, and he said he knew nothing and that was all he said.
I want to ask this guy out for drinks or dinner to talk, but I don't know if he would be up for that. We never have hung outside of work, other than a birthday party where me and him left the bar and went to dinner and he paid. He is hard to read, I feel like I am always the one initiating the conversation with him, he never seems to ask me about me very much if at all. I don't know if this is because he is scared to show his feelings or if I am totally misreading the situation entirely. We just mainly share some small talk, but when the other two co-workers are there he talks mostly to them. I try to join in when I can, but feel like I am intruding.
Everyone I have talked to said to just give him space. I don't know what to do anymore. I can be patient if he tells me he needs space to figure things out or I can just maintain my stance and be patient and hope he can talk to me when he is ready. I really hope he is not so afraid to talk to me. I have always been told by people that I am too nice. I would never do anything to hurt anyone ever, especially someone I love.
What do I do?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's request. -- restless_nomad