Successful arranged marriages

August 21, 2005 8:10 AM

Please tell me your success stories of introducing a young cat into a household with an adult cat.

In my case, introducing a 6 month old female Russian Blue to a four year old male Tom.

I have a very low-maintenance cat. No problems, lean and beautiful, playful, has never sprayed, obedient, humbly endured my moving catastrophe which included many hotels and trips in the moving truck, adjusted to a building with dogs, was even good when a neighbor cat crawled through the wall (I did separate them), but, he is wary of houseguests, will turn on us when he feels threatened (like at the vet), he is very dependent on me for stimulation, seems bored but not unhappy, can hardly bear it when my SO and I leave for more than 3 days. I have been wanting to get him a playmate for years, I love multiple cat households, I don't think he should live his entire life without another cat, and I want to do it before he's too old. I tried once before but the timing wasn't right. This time I have found the right one, I am picking her up today.

People come to AskMe to solve their problems, and in this case cat problems, so I have read them all. Peeing, spraying, acne, cats ignoring other cats for the rest of their lives (this last one being my real fear). I have been anxious, naturally, and everything on the web expounds on what can go wrong. I turn them over in my head. I accept them as possibilities.

So I want success stories only, since I can't find them anywhere. Tell me all the success stories you've ever heard, how it happened, how they are now. Did your relationship with your first one change? How is he happier having a partner? Did giving him a partner ease your mind?

posted by scazza to pets & animals (16 comments total)

My cat and my boyfriend's cat have successfully learned to coexist, and it hasn't been too bad.

Both cats are 2-year-old boys, fixed. No real behavioral problems from my cat, but his cat often shreds cardboard boxes and can get a bit ornery with people other than myself and my boyfriend.

It definitely took a little while for the boys to adjust to each other- my cat had never been around other cats before (except his mom and kitten-siblings). They worked out all their issues and ultimately decided that my cat was the head honcho. You can't really tell he's the boss until it's feeding time- they share a bowl and my cat always gets to eat first.

In terms of personalities, they have both chilled out a lot since moving in together. My cat is a lot less whiny, and his cat is a lot friendlier and doesn't scratch and bite as much as he used to. Sometimes they cuddle with each other, and they often play. My cat likes to hiss, but it's never anything serious.
posted by elisabeth r at 8:32 AM on August 21, 2005

Not quite the age gap, but we brought an 8-week-old kitten home to our 1 1/2 year old cat. She HATED him at first - we thought little kitty was going to have to go back. We kept them separated when we couldn't observe them - older kitty still got full run of the place, and we set up a warm little safe nest for the little one in the bathroom. When we let them be together, we made it the COOLEST TIME EVER - tons of toys, active playing, treats galore. The biggest problem was that the little one was a playful little kitten, and the older one just wanted to be left alone. She asserted this a few times, and the little one got the picture. Now they're constantly together - they never sleep apart, always snuggled up with one another. The older one's maternal instincts kicked in and she'd even let the younger one attempt to nurse (!) at times. Now she's very protective of him when the dogs get a little too interested. All in all, good experience for everyone.
posted by ferociouskitty at 8:53 AM on August 21, 2005

I have peacefully introduced dogs to cats, dogs to bunnies, bunnies to cats, and cats to bunnies, and have never experienced any real difficulty.

We found kittens under the neighbour's porch and brought them home, which meant introducing them to two 12 year old cats, 2 older dogs, and 2 bunnies.What worked for us was to start out by keeping the kittens in a cage in the living room, while we were there, and letting everyone come over and sniff, and fuss while there were some bars between them. After a few days, we started holding the kittens on our laps and letting the other animals come over and get acquainted.

There was a little yowling, some very tough sounding growling, and some really lame overhand swatting, but no real fighting, and most of the fussing was from the young kittens, not the older pets. Petting the kitten and the older cat at the same time, while using the older cats' names (which they recognize) seemed to work best at getting everyone comfortable. Whe we weren't around, we put them in rooms seperated by a closed door and let them 'talk' under the door.

After a few weeks, we gave the new kittens free run of the house, and the older cats completely ignored them - in large part we think because one of the dogs took to grooming our new pets very, very forcefully, so they just reeked of dog breathe and saliva all the time. After a few months, I started catching all the cats napping togther. Throughout this whole process, we used a lot of catnip with the older cats, and it really did the trick.

Now they all live together very peacefully. We have never had a serious cat fight - vocalization and the weak overhand threat, but no real fights - well, the two kittens, who are siblings, go at it like banshees, for fun, but there is no real fighting between them and the older cat that is left.

Our older cats were a sibling pair, and I am so glad that we took in these younger two, because one of the older ones died, and I was very concerned about the one that was left, but one of the new cats has sort of taken over as his pair bond - they sleep together, groom each other, and snuggle. I really think that pairs of animals are the way to go, and all it takes is a little patience in the introduction process. When you have more than one animal, you don't get that separation anxiety that your cat seems to have now. I think they deal with stress better when there are two.

Just give them time to establish what their natual pecking order will be, and all will work out just fine. When we had dogs, cats, and bunnies, our dominant animal was a 4 lb female dwarf bunny. She owned my dogs, spaniels who are supposed to be bred to hunt bunnies. So much for natural hunting instincts!

Good luck!
posted by sperare at 9:04 AM on August 21, 2005

Oh, I totally forgot - when in doubt, get out the laser pointer and get them chasing it. Giving them a 'job' like that can help bond them together quicker.
posted by sperare at 9:06 AM on August 21, 2005

In my experience, as far as cats go, female cats generally don't get along, and males usually don't get along with females (I think that might stem from some sort of territory/breeding issue). However, I currently live with two males (who are probably a year or two apart in age) and they get along splendidly. They groom and play with each other and, despite being cooped up in an environment that's probably just a little too small to support two cats, they can maintain their own space as well as enjoy each other's company.

At first, it was a little iffy, though. The story starts with my owning of a female cat (who turned out to be a dimwitted, miserable creature). My girlfriend and I found an emaciated, friendly male cat on the street and brought him home to my apartment. He was determined to make friends with her and she was determined to hide under the bed and hiss at him.
At the time, my girlfriend had her own apartment and a cat of her own. She was wary of introducing him to other cats because, when she got him from an anarchist squat house full of cats and anarchists (true story) she was told that he was antisocial and they wanted to get him away from the other cats.
But, due to unforeseen circumstances, my girlfriend had to move in with me and there was no way that I was going to ask her to get rid of her cat (he's a real sweetheart).
So, we wound up with three cats in our apartment (only about 980 square feet, not much for three cats). Twombly (the stray) was really excited to meet Mischa (my girlfriends cat) even though he was avoidant and not happy to have been moved. Sally (the dumb, mean female) didn't like either of the males and would make that very clear. Additionally, I'm a little allergic to cats and, while I can handle two cats, three was too many. We had to get rid of Sally, for a couple reasons. One: She was mean. Two: She ballooned after getting fixed and became the source of most of the fur. Three: She was mean.
So, we gave Sally away. Mischa was still unhappy about living in a new place with another cat, but Twombly, being less than a year old at the time, was naively determined to make friends. He would constantly try to play, charging across the apartment to head-butt Mischa, tackle him, or chase his tail. At first, Mischa seemed to have a very low opinion of him, swatting him and then hiding from him, but his resistance didn't last very long. He quickly gave into Twombly's good-natured insistence. Now, a year later, they're great companions. They chase each other around, get each other into trouble, and sleep next to each other.

My parents, on the other hand, have a cat nightmare at their house. They got their first cat (female) when I was 9 and had her for about 4 years before they introduced a month old kitten (also female) into the home. The older cat showed almost no interest in the younger cat and perpetually avoided her showing not event the slightest sign of maternal instinct. Years later, they still don't get along. The younger cat is an obese, neurotic, idiot mess and hisses and yowls at everything that walks past her. This problem was exacerbated when a large male cat followed my sister home a few years ago and my folks, being nice people, kept him. Now, the oldest female is a nervous, skittish, needy basket case, constantly avoiding the other two cats and is desperate for the attention and affections of my family. The youngest female cat is beyond hope or repair and has become the most antisocial, borderline-retarded, hostile, waste of fur you'd ever meet. The male that followed my sister home is ok except for the fact that he'll torment the other two cats if he wants attention. I think their household might be a worst-case scenario example of introducing cats to each other.

On Preview: a laser pointer is a great toy for cats. My cats will run up the walls (literally) to get at that little red dot.
posted by Jon-o at 9:54 AM on August 21, 2005

Jon-o, I understand that your intentions are good, however I'm not sure if you read my entire question. I am looking for success stories only. I'm trying to have hope and have read all the nightmare stories.

All else,
my cat had never been around other cats before
you don't get that separation anxiety
they deal with stress better when there are two.
all will work out just fine.

These are such a ray of hope. Thank you.
posted by scazza at 10:04 AM on August 21, 2005

Sorry. I thought it would be relevant.
posted by Jon-o at 10:50 AM on August 21, 2005

As a general rule, it's normally a good idea to introduce the cats gradually. In the past, I've done this by having the new cat in a large carrier and allowing the already-resident cat to come and explore the room the carrier is in, at least the very first time they meet. This can smoothe the initial phase of hissing and growling, and keeps both cats safe while they get used to the idea.

In my experience (owning/living with more than a dozen cats in various groups over the years), most cats can learn to get along, they won't necessarily be great pals, but they can live relatively peacefully.
posted by biscotti at 11:01 AM on August 21, 2005

They say it's good to rub the fur of the younger cat with some sand from the older cat's litter box before they're introduced. I haven't tried it myself.
posted by springload at 12:15 PM on August 21, 2005

I'd always read that it was best to introduce cats, gradually. I have two stories, though, since I have three cats (neutered males). Cat number 2 arrived as a 5 or 6 week old kitten, having made it up open stairs three floors above the street. He entered when I opened my door to go to work, and the other cats (I had 2 then) were just like - hey, you're here. No fussing, except from me. I didn't name him for weeks, since I presumed he was owned. Never found an owner though, and now he is the best cat ever, for more than ten years now.

Second story. Taking advice, when I adopted another cat, a friend brought him into my place, hopefully so my two cats wouldn't "blame me". it worked, or would have if his teeth hadn't been in such bad shape. It took me a couple weeks to realize that the new cat wasn't angry or cranky, he just needed most of his teeth removed. All three cats co-exist peacefully now, and always groom and play with each other.

Only advice? Don't feel worried. Assume an attitude that this new addition will make everyone's life happier and better. That's what the cats will pick up on.

Good luck! Cats = peaceful happiness.
posted by vers at 1:14 PM on August 21, 2005

I’ve been interested to hear what others have said here, having introduced a kitten to an older cat last year. Ours are both indoors, and the younger one was feral, so the situation here might be really different from yours. And I’m going to mention a few of the difficulties in what I say below, even though that’s not exactly what you asked for, just to let you know that the process can seem kind of awful at first but turn out fine.

I agree completely with what’s been said already about gradual introductions. We kept them in separate parts of the apartment for the first ten days or so. The older (12 years) cat was completely unnerved by the newcomer: his reaction to his first whiff of the kitten was to puke. Pretty unambiguous. Meanwhile the little one cried operatically when left on his own for even a short time. It was a rough beginning, but it was only a few days before they were sniffing each other under the door and getting used to the shared territory.

We did some transitional things for a few more days (exchanging blankets between them, bringing the little cat into the room with the older one, for brief periods, in a large crate) and they were okay when we finally let them out together at about 2 weeks. It was the case with ours (and I’ve heard the same from others) that the little one bonded very quickly to the older one (snuggling, kneading, etc.) and the older one, while he tolerated this, was clearly annoyed by it. But he eventually relaxed and even seems to like it most of the time now. I think both cats would be bored and frustrated if they were alone.

This story had a happy ending, but it took six weeks or so for things to settle out (I’m glad your older cat is robust and playful; ours is slow-moving and mellow, and a dive-bombing kitten is sometimes fun for him but not usually). I agree with the prevailing wisdom that in most cases (there are rare exceptions I’m sure) it’s better for a cat to have feline company, which is why we did this. (Our older cat had an earlier companion who died.) And yes, as others have said, it’s a great idea to have toys around to distract them. There are a lot of good resources online that I spent a lot of time looking at last year. and I think that helped a lot too. Good luck. Be sure to post an update.
posted by sophieblue at 1:24 PM on August 21, 2005

We introduced a very sweet 2 month old female kitten to a pistol of a 1 yr. old female cat. I had planned for a slow introduction with the kitten being kept in the bathroom and then moved so the resident cat could check out the kitten's smells without the kitten present. I did do that, but not over a period of days as planned. They were out together within 24 hrs. and friendly in less than 48 hrs. For several weeks, we didn't leave them together when we were out of the house just to be on the safe side. We've never had any real problems with them. They play, the older cat gets tired of the younger one wanting to snuggle and will hiss sometimes, they spend time apart and time together, the older one likes to jump out of hiding places to scare the younger one, the younger one yodels to get the older one to come play.

I do have to add that before we adopted her, I watched the kitten for 45 minutes(before the rescue place opened) in an open playroom with several other kittens from different litters and an adult cat and I picked her because I thought she'd fit in best with out resident cat. The kitten was unflappable, friendly and playful without annoying the adult cat like the other kittens were doing. The kitten, now an adult, was the first of our two cats to accept the 6 month old dog we got last year. Clearly not all cats are the same.
posted by lobakgo at 2:08 PM on August 21, 2005

We got a young female kitten for our older (9 year old) male cat. He was dumped from his first home for not getting along with other animals so we were wary, but he had other 'cat friends' in the outdoors, so once he became an indoor cat it seemed the right thing to do.

We picked a female kitten on the theory that opposite genders would get along better - maybe that's rampant anthropomorphization but it seemed to work. We did the introduction-by-scent thing, keeping the kitten in our bedroom for a few weeks (note: kitten poo really, really smells!), petting both cats to mix the scents, letting them sniff under the door. By the end I think the older cat was madder at us for keeping him out of the bedroom (he hissed at us a few times, which was very abnormal) than upset about the new cat. Around that time we opened the door and let them meet each other.

Two hours later we walk into the spare room. The kitten is on the floor, the older cat tenderly grooming her ears. I almost cried. They still groom each other 3 years later, although generally grooming turns into play-fighting after a few minutes. But it couldn't have worked out better.
posted by Gortuk at 2:58 PM on August 21, 2005

Thank you again everyone. She's home now and surprisingly, so far so good, but I am still nervous.

lobakgo, that's remarkable. Gortuk, yes I think the prevailing wisdom is that opposite sexes are not as territorial and have instinctual relationships. And I almost cried too when I got to the ear licking part. Oh my, the ears.
posted by scazza at 6:26 PM on August 21, 2005

I had my female cat for three years when a stray male kitten showed up and muscled his way into my affections. That was seven years ago. The two cats learned to coexist. They can both sleep on my bed - a treaty distance apart. They don't cuddle or wash each other. Rude cat language is an almost daily occurrence, but they don't hurt each other. That may be the best you can do, and it's not so bad.
posted by zadcat at 6:28 PM on August 21, 2005

I have a female cat and brought a female kitten home to keep her company. I made sure that the older cat received her usual attention and more, even ignoring the kitten while doing it. They seemed to get along fine after awhile. Males are another story.
posted by phewbertie at 7:37 PM on August 21, 2005