Support/Help with divorce after 1 yr marriage (29 y.o.)
November 14, 2012 11:07 AM Subscribe
29 years old and divorcing after 1 year of marriage- looking for support/help with my decision.
posted by love2much to human relations (34 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I will try to keep this as short as possible, but there is a lot to this situation. I am the wife and the one initiating the divorce after 12 short months of marriage. We dated for 6 years, and were engaged for 1.5 years, we are both 29 years old and have owned a home together for 4 years. Here's the kicker, I never wanted this divorce but have come to the point where I need it now for myself. Since I started dating my husband he would always "doubt" our relationship, saying things like, I'm not ready for this or I love you but I dont want the committment (I know this should have been my first red flag, but avoid comments like that because I know I was blinded by "love")- we would always walk away from each other, but of course he would call me crying saying how dumb he was, that he has "issues" and that I'm the perfect/best thing that has happened to him and we would try to work on it. Instances like that happened in the first couple years a few times and sort or died out, and then about 4 yrs ago I found him e-mailing a random girl on faceboook saying how she was beautiful and would take her to dinner (nothing physical ever happened, the girl actually emailed me everything because she felt bad and was not trying to communicate with him). I lost trust, and it took us 1-2 yrs to rebuild our relationship. I told myself (and him) that I would never be okay with him reaching out to someone else, even if he was just looking for "reassurance" or "attention".
Now fast forward to a couple months before the wedding, he started doubting our relationship again saying he wasn't happy I told him to figure it out and we both decided counseling was the best option. we sort of worked it out on our own, as my husband always complaint counseling was boring, so he never gave it any effort. Everything was fine for a while, then 1 month after and again 2 months ago he told me he didn't want the resonsibility of marriage anymore, he literally said he wants to get more tattoos, have a motorcycle, not worry about me, our dog or house, would be gone every weekend and feels like he married too soon and wants to experience what life has to offer.
I went to a friends and we left eachother for a couple weeks to get our minds right and figure out what was going on. THEN I find phone calls to a suspicious number, he lied for a whole day and eventually admitted he was calling someone "from his past" but to confide in about our marriage issues (BS). So, I came back home, kicked him out and started the divorce process. He told me he was going to see a therapist because he knows he has issues (he does), but I find out he went once and cancelled because it was "boring and expensive". He has since been emaling/texting how amazing I am, how much he misses me etc etc. I just want to assure I'm not giving up on a marriage too soon, if I was still just dating this man I wouldn't put up with it and I have realized our values and goals in life aren't the same- I can't waste anymore of my time on him. I get in moments where I remember the good, but then I remind myself of the bad. Doesn't a girl deserve someone who knows they want to be with them, and sees how amazing that person is, and respects them? I gave all of myself, my trust and everything to this man for 6+ years all in hopes he (we) would be what I pictured in my head- I have nothing more to give as he. He violated my trust AGAIN, and has put so much doubt in my mind that there is no coming back from it. I'm sad to lose someone I called my best friend, but I also feel a sense of freedom knowing that I can worry about myself. There's just a little voice telling me this can't be true and reminding me of how scary life is alone. I thought I would be happily married with children at 29, not I am starting over :(. I have drafted all the paperwork for the divorce and met with an attorney, we can submit and be finalized April 2013. Any advice/encouragement would be helpful. Thank you :)