There's nothing wrong with this relationship, but...
November 14, 2012 7:51 AM Subscribe
There's nothing wrong with my relationship...except that I don't want to be in it anymore.
posted by anonymous to human relations (46 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years, since we were 20. He's been ready to get married and have children for a long time, but I've been putting it off. First I thought we were too young. Then I had other excuses. But recently I've come to the kind of shocking-to-me conclusion that maybe I just don't want to be with this man.
The thing is, I don't really understand the problem. Our relationship is a great one in many, many ways. We are super close friends, love talking to each other, share a sense of humor and have overlapping interests. He knows me better than anyone on the planet. We support each other in bad times and celebrate in good. Although our sex life isn't stellar, it's not so bad either. We live together. We have a shared group of friends and both love our city.
I just don't want to be with him anymore. It's been a creeping feeling for over a year. I don't like inviting him out when I'm with friends. I don't really miss him when he's away. I don't feel a lot of physical desire to be close to him. I've been desperately fighting myself to keep from sleeping with other people. I'm definitely not putting enough effort into the relationship, and I can't seem to turn that around.
For those who will suggest therapy: I've already been talking about this in therapy for quite a while. We've talked ad nauseum about some of my (seemingly minor) dissatisfaction with the relationship, but haven't uncovered anything really deep as far as I can tell. My best guess for what's going on is that I just want to be a single adult, and haven't had the chance to be one yet, and I see time kind of running out on the years when it is "normal" to be single.
I'm thinking about leaving the relationship. It feels like an insane thing to do. Have you been in this situation, or known someone in this situation? How did it turn out? What course of action would you suggest?