My Mormon parents won't let me bring my lesbian partner to my brother's wedding (and other big events in our lives). How do we get through this?
Natasha and I live together in Salt Lake City. We've been together for just over a year now and I love her. My partner and parents have met exactly once. My parents are Mormon, and live an hour away.
Since I wrote this question
my brother has met the girl of his dreams and they are getting married this weekend. In addition, a bridal shower for my brother's fiancee has come and gone, and my grandpa died two weeks ago.
Navigating this zone of family events has been difficult because these are all events I would want my partner to go with me to, but she is explicitly NOT invited. When I wrote the question in June, I was just thinking of Thanksgiving and the Fourth. I wasn't thinking about the Big Events (i.e. Funerals and Weddings). Silly me.
About a month after I wrote the question to MeFi, my parents and Natasha met for a brief dinner and had a pleasant conversation. It went well enough. They told me later that they thought she was charming that they could tell she made me happy. I took this as a step in the right direction but it was the last direct contact they have had since then.
Since this meeting some events have taken place.
In October, there was a bridal shower for my brother's fiancee that we were both invited to by the fiancee. My mom called me as Natasha and I pulled into the parking lot at the bridal shower. My mom told me Natasha was not welcome. I told her Natasha was invited by the hostess, as I was. Despite her protesting, we went in, had some cider. My mom sulked at a table. We hung out with my sisters and then we left.
Fast forward another month. There was a funeral for my mom's dad this past weekend. My mom told me my partner was not invited. Natasha offered to drive me out of state to the funeral, so I wouldn't have to drive in the same car as my mom- even though she wasn't invited to the funeral. It was hard to walk up to that casket alone.
I don't want Natasha to go where she's not welcome. I don't want her to feel she's not accepted. Plenty of people love us and think we're awesome. But we need to be present when Life Events happen. I don't want to endure Life Events alone without my partner.
TLdr: My brother is getting married this Saturday. Natasha is not invited to the wedding. I am aware that my parents' viewpoint is shocking, outdated even for most Mormons, and just plain tacky. My partner comes first, and my parents' homophobia is ridiculous. I am going to the wedding to support my brother and his new love.
1) What mantra can I repeat to people to explain my mom's bad behavior?
2) How do we get through this?
3) Any advice for the future?