Is "toleration" all I have to look forward to?
November 8, 2012 7:13 PM Subscribe
Is it normal to go through life feeling drained with most interactions with people and feeling like you do not fit in anywhere or that you have to suppress your mind/personality to fit in? Or is this just another fact of depression? If it is normal can teach me how to tolerate it?
posted by kanata to Human Relations (16 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
First of the bat, let's get the technical information out of the way: I am diagnosed with Chronic Major Depression (26 years!). I am in weekly therapy with the best therapist of my life. I am medicated with a combo of AD/Benzo/Mood-stabilizer/PTSD nightmare controller. I have (according to my doctor tried every single use AD available and have tried countless combinations) done my best with meds. I exercise daily, I have a dog, I use a therapy light in the winter, I take Vitamin D. Blah, blah, I am doing everything everyone in the world suggests to do.
The problem I have is interacting with people or organizations or trying to hold down a job. Even with volunteering I struggle. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Any depression support group I've tried seems to be made for people who are mentally ill and not doing what needs to be done. Or are mentally ill and no offence, not as smart as I. And I'm not that smart. I struggle with math, can't really hold down a job, can't cook well, don't know how computers work, etc.
I'm also some sort of mixed up gender and sexuality. Genderqueer and swinging from Gay to Bisexaul if I fall in love with a man. But wait! I have found my community before. I've embraced that before and felt alienated as well because I wasn't gay enough, or, whatever.
Basically, what I'm asking is it normal to find it hard to tolerate interactions with most people? To feel like you constantly have to shape yourself and dull yourself down to fit somewhere? Is this what life is like for people who are "mentally well"?
How do I fake it better with everyday life without feeling drained and more depressed?