Why is my family being so cold to my SO?
October 24, 2012 5:00 PM Subscribe
Deeply in love with someone who I'm pretty sure is a keeper. His family is warm & welcoming to me. My family hasn't lifted a finger to make him feel welcome. I'm humiliated. Help.
posted by deliciae to human relations (27 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
We're together for 7 months and waist deep in the big funky with one another, starting to talk about a future. I'm a year into an amicable breakup of a 5 year relationship with a guy who is sweet but clearly not the one for me. SO is divorced from a deeply troubled woman; his family is thrilled that he is with someone normal who loves him and treats him well. They have all been nothing short of lovely with me - all sibs & his parents reached out to me on Facebook ahead of meeting; his parents rave about me to the other kids; sister (the only one I have yet to meet) chats with me online and invited me to her home across the country for Thanksgiving. They like me, they like me with him, and they are thrilled for both of us.
On the other hand, my family has not been any of these things to him. He came home with me over the summer for a family wedding and stayed with me at my parent's house (in separate rooms - nevermind that I am 43!) They barely talked with him. My mom told my brother that she thought my SO was weird because she misunderstood something he said and she thought he was rebuffing her hospitality. My sister made no effort to speak with SO at all (nor me.) My brother and brother in law, as well as a bunch of my cousins, had a blast with SO and made a point to tell me how fun he is. On a separate visit to a cousin that lives in the same state as we, her husband made fun of SO's religion, made both of us feel like complete inconveniences, and went out of his way to be a rude dick to both of us.
Now it's time to make plans for Dec holidays, and I want SO to come home with me. He used to live in the city where my family is and is really looking forward to spending time there with me visiting friends and having a good time. I talked to my mother today to ask if we could both stay at my parents' house and she first said yes in a totally reluctant voice, and then told me she needed to think about it and would get back to me in a few days.
I am so upset and embarrassed over this attitude from my family towards SO that I don't even want to go home this year, but my dad is 80, and my little niece and nephew are the light of my life, and I can't not see them at Christmastime. I can't even think of how to approach this with SO - I have no explanation for my family's cold rudeness towards him, and I am unwilling to suggest that he and I spend a ton of money to get plane tickets, a car, AND a hotel so we can stay NEAR my family. What do I do about this?