More femme, please
October 23, 2012 9:52 PM Subscribe
How can I build confidence to incorporate more femme elements into my gender presentation as a young straight(ish) man?
posted by elephantsvanish to Human Relations (17 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
When I was younger (15-19) I would buy blouses and other androgynous kinds of clothes, wear eyeliner, etc. just because I wanted to and it felt good. In college, I took the opportunity to wear my friend's dresses during a few drunken nights out. It probably came across costumey/boundary-crossing for its own sake. But I loves those articles of clothing- dresses are rad and I like wearing ones that suit me more than bland dude clothes.
I was always kind of hoping my style would come together around dresses and the like but I found myself presenting more and more as straight up male. Partly this was due to a rejection of a culture I perceived as oppressively hipster. I liked having a simple style because it focused less attention on myself, or so I told myself. My friends were quite traditionally straight guys, and perhaps I moved closer to the mean.
Now I'm a couple of years out of school and have put progressively less and less energy into clothes. But I can't help feeling this sublte desire to be more feminine. I feel like I'm playing as myself when I'm being too outwardly dudeish. I think back to the liberation I felt with a pretty, smart sundress and feel no equivalent today. I had a small moment of intense happiness today and one thought that immediately followed it was "I want to buy feather earrings!" Then some part of me got angry at the thought, and then I was bummed out.
I would love to hear from anyone who found themselves further away from the gender presentation they intended. How can I move closer to where I want to be while dealing with self-critiques like "you're being self absorbed, people will treat this like a fad and write you off as fickle, there's going to be wide consequences, etc." ?