Comments on: What happens next?

Question: What happens next?

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 20:26:06 -0800

I recently met a guy at a party, and figured that we hit it off. But I have no previous experience in this area, and I'm unsure about a couple of things...

So, I'm in my twenties, but I've never dated or made out with anyone, etc. This is uncharted territory for me.

We started out by chatting, got close while dancing (nothing too risque), and ended up just cuddling. He wasn't pushy (no grabbing inappropriately), which kept me from spazzing out. I gave him my number while we were waiting for my bus. When it came, he gave me a semi-kiss before I ran inside. I say semi- because I was not prepared (first kiss!), and ended up inadvertently moving my head so he got only part of my lips. I think I hugged him and apologized (something like "Sorry, I'm kind of awkward), he chuckled, and I grabbed my bus.

And herein start my questions:
a) Did I royally screw up with the awkward kiss?
b) Is there a timeframe I should be expecting for the call (e.g. if he doesn't call back by "x", he's not interested?)
c) If he doesn't call me, do I friend him on Facebook (see if he lost my number), or just not bother (I didn't get his contact info, primarily because I wanted to leave the ball in his court)?
d) If he DOES contact me, how much info do I provide in the future? I'd liked to be kissed properly, but I'm nervous about screwing it up (or it going too fast). Do I explain he's the first, or not go into details?

Also, if anyone can advise me on how to stop obsessing over this, that'd be great too, seeing as I have not been getting much work done. I keep getting distracted when I relive the moments...

Thanks!

By: discopolo

discopolo — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 20:30:08 -0800

He was likely just being flirty. Don't think too much about it. If it happens cool, if not, whatever. Don't pursue him.

By: amoeba

amoeba — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 20:41:44 -0800

A) No, you played it off brilliantly by apologizing and making him laugh.

B) You'll make yourself crazy trying to figure out false "rules" like that. Don't bother. Stay busy and active and happy and don't wait around for a call.

C) Facebook friend him. It's a normal way for people who meet at parties to have each other's contact info — it's low stress and not threatening at all.

D) If he does contact you, hang out and see what happens. Have fun. If you're worried about your lack of experience, just play it cool until you kiss again, and then just say something general like, "I haven't really done a lot of this before," so he'll know that you're pretty new to this part of relationships. Maybe don't tell him right away that he was your first kiss — that might freak him out. If you guys hit it off and know each other for a little longer, then you can tell him and you'll both have a good laugh about it.

You're doing fine, sounds like you guys had a nice night. I'm sure he thinks you're cute. No need to panic.

By: skrozidile

skrozidile — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 21:09:53 -0800

Agree with the idea to facebook friend him, but then I'd wait for him to make the next move. First kisses between two people are awkward so often that it's not even a thing to worry about.

My strategy for dealing with the rush of crush hormones that try to start a never ending rave party in my brain in honor of things like the potential to get to kiss a boy I like is to only talk about the potential thing one or two times before relegating it to being fodder for my own internal monologue only. This way I'm at least playing it cool, no matter if I'm totally the opposite of cool on the inside.

Similarly, I fake the being cool thing for the start up mind fuck that is getting to know someone in a do they like like me type way too. My rule is that I just exactly reciprocate pretty much everything until I have the lay of the land - text for text, invite for invite, sharing personal details as asked, etc.

I'd skip disclosing your lack of experience. You can always chalk anything awkward up to being nervous in a way that is cute and flirty until you know whether it's worth displaying any soft emotional underbelly.

HAVE FUN

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 21:35:37 -0800

First kisses: always awkward. You ruined nothing. You're getting out there and doing it right.

By: ead

ead — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 00:29:56 -0800

(a) Not at all. Always awkward at first.

(b) Not really. Don't wait around wondering, so many people are flakes with phones now.

(c) Sure, I'd even just do that now. Second-guessing is a great way to not get what you want.

(d) You're over-thinking it. Ask for a little bit of what you want. Not a huge overwrought plan, just a bit of what you want from him. If he wants the same, get together and see if you click. If you do, ask for a bit more. If not, wait for the next person, and ask them. Lather, rinse, repeat. Just take it step by step.

By: FAMOUS MONSTER

FAMOUS MONSTER — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 07:20:58 -0800

A: Doubt it.
B: About a week at the outside. After about a week, hearing from him should be one of those things that would be a pleasant surprise if it happened, but not something you're really expecting. After about three weeks to a month, hearing from him means you're hearing from someone who doesn't think it's weird to wait more than a month to call you, and you should not call him back if he calls.
C: If I were you I wouldn't bother, but I would also have gotten his contact info, so this is one of those things where you and I might have different approaches. If he lost your number and is interested in seeing you again, there's every chance he'd be looking for you on Facebook as well, since he wouldn't have your number and would believe you're expecting to hear from him.
D: Don't go into details. If you find that you like kissing, then do lots of kissing. If you want to take things slow then say you like him but you want to take things slow. He doesn't need to know why. If you tell him that he's your first then you're going to have two people anxious about the weight of their every move instead of one. Just chill and have fun.