how to care less?
October 19, 2012 10:23 AM Subscribe
How can I avoid the destructive path I've usually taken after breakups?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (18 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I don't do breakups well. I have trouble regulating my emotions and I'm obsessive. I tend to get very attached to people, and when I lose someone it feels like my entire world is collapsing. This breakup is on another level, because I was closer to him than I've been to anyone in my life period. Right now I'm doing OK, but I can see where I'm headed in a few days once the reality of it sinks in and the panic follows.
A lot of the trouble is it takes a long time for that reality to sink in. I spend way too much time obsessing over how to get my ex back, frantically trying to control the situation because I can't seem to accept that it's over. I feel like what I really need is to just shut my emotions down and not let myself feel or think too much about this one. Is there some way of more quickly detaching, accepting that it's over and skipping forward through some of the pain of a breakup? I know it will be forced but I'm not convinced that's a bad thing. The popular consensus is to let yourself feel it, but I've noticed that people who are able to shut out their emotions in stressful situations and distract themselves from what they're feeling tend to get over traumas more quickly. I've also read some research to back this up. I've tried the other approach - letting myself ride the emotional storm - and it stresses my body to the point of illness.
Basically, as someone who cares too much, I want to train myself to care less.
I'm already in therapy. Any other tips/pointers?