Looking for something snazzier than “print this thread and show him”

October 18, 2012 4:33 AM

Metafilter, today I held my first positive pregnancy test. Help me tell my husband in a memorable way.

I know there’s no way being told you’re going to be a father is un-memorable, but Mr. House of Leaves of Grass has gone above and beyond to make other events in our lives momentous. He had a friend secretly video his proposal, he made me a scrapbook of our lives together and presented me with it the day before our wedding—in short, he’s great at surprises and sweetness, and I’d like to return the favor.

We’ve suspected this test was going to be positive for almost a week, so I’ve lost the complete element of surprise, but I’d still love some help coming up with a more eventful way of telling him than walking into the house and handing him the test.

Difficulty:

1) He works from home, so anything that involves me having anything set up in the house is a no-go.
2) I am terrible at keeping secrets, especially from him, so anything that involves me sitting on this for more than 24 hours is likely not to work out well.

Starting materials:

1) I have the positive test with me.
2) We live in the greater Cleveland area, and I commute past just about any retail area one could wish.
3) Bonus points for working in any of the following: references to the movie Up (the scrapbook he gave me for our wedding says “Our Adventure Book” on the front); video or photo; references to The Office, How I Met Your Mother, or Forgetting Sarah Marshall; or Cleveland-related items.

My brain is swirling! Help me, Metafilter!

posted by House of Leaves of Grass to Human Relations (33 answers total)

Best answer: Scrapbook. Our Next Adventure Book. Stick a photo of the positive pregnancy test on the first page.
posted by Wysawyg at 4:40 AM on October 18, 2012 [25 favorites]

Best answer: Come home tonight with a bunch of balloons attached to a little house (little box with windows drawn on and an index card/sheet of paper roof taped on the lid) that has the pregnancy test inside?
posted by brambory at 4:47 AM on October 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

I would hide your video camera, sit him in a place where it can capture his face and the give him the stick, wrapped as a present. Or else give him a baby onsie.... Something that gets the message across and you get his reaction on tape. Big congrats!!
posted by pearlybob at 4:48 AM on October 18, 2012

Extra cassettes (look, I'm old, I'm assuming they still use cassettes, yes?) or accessories for the video camera, with the note of "Looks like we'll be making a lot more use of it for something like..." and then the URL of:

http://vimeo.com/36206011
posted by Wordshore at 5:06 AM on October 18, 2012

Call him from a gas station on the side of a highway and tell him your car broke down. Ideally station a friend across the street with a video camera shooting across the traffic. Give him the pregnancy test.
posted by dadici at 5:16 AM on October 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Add another page to the end of your adventure book that says "And that, Baby House of Leaves of Grass, is how I met your mother." Then add a picture of the pregnancy test.
posted by specialagentwebb at 5:26 AM on October 18, 2012 [33 favorites]

It's Halloween season, so I think that should factor in.

Get some friends made up to look like zombies.

Go over another friend's house for an evening of entertainment. Say play cards or watch movies. Whatever house this is at, there should be a couple of video cameras hidden in the room(s) to record this special moment.

While engaging in said activity, have the zombies "attack" the house, appearing at windows, pawing at doors, moaning and or calling your name etc.

This is your que to start screaming "OMG, they know, THEY KNOW!" When husband frantically asks what you're talking about, grab your stomach and scream "Our baby, OUR BABY, they can see how wonderful it will and are attempting to destroy before it saves the world!"

Annnnnd...SCENE!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:33 AM on October 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

In old cartoons that I can't find on YouTube right now, the husband would come home and the wife would be sitting in a rocking chair knitting teeny tiny little socks and he'd see them and get all excited and then horribly nervous or whatever. (I think the parents were airplanes? And once they were gorillas?) I did not know how to knit, and I didn't own a rocking chair, so the first time I was pregnant I gave my husband a present with the tiniest cute little socks I could find to reference those cartoons. He said, "Why are there socks in here? ...ohhhhh..." Luckily the stork didn't get drunk and bring us Bugs Bunny by accident.
posted by artychoke at 5:34 AM on October 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

Inre artychoke's suggestion, I will note that when my husband came home to find me knitting baby booties (for a friend), he insisted that I was obliged to WARN him when I was knitting baby booties, because it was such an obvious "surprise! I'm pregnant!" trope.
posted by endless_forms at 5:38 AM on October 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

I can't work in any of the references, but this may work -

When you're setting the table for dinner tonight, set a third place at the table. Wait for him to comment upon it. When he asks who's coming for dinner admit that you're "just getting ready early" and put a picture of the test (or the test itself) on that third place setting.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:42 AM on October 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Best answer: My attempt at a Up reference and also involving balloons: Get a bunch of balloons and tie it to the stick. I don't know if it will float, but maybe it will and when you open the door to go home you can let the balloons go in first. Of course, if he's not in the entrance room you'll have to do it again in the room he is in but, you get the idea... It reminds me of that scene where when the old guy was a kid and he broke his leg and his future wife sent a balloon through his window.
posted by like_neon at 5:46 AM on October 18, 2012

Best answer: Well, honestly, I'd skip the Up reference mostly because a major part of the beginning of that movie was their inability to have kids.

Go to the bank and open up a savings account. "Our Baby's College Fund". Give him the passbook or whatever documentation the bank gives you and tell him you started up a new bank account today.

Then it's not only a memory for him, but something you can give your child as a memory from when they were first a reality in your lives.
posted by inturnaround at 5:56 AM on October 18, 2012 [16 favorites]

Yeah, a special savings fund is a great idea.

But you should also bake a cake! Because cake! And when he asks you why there is a cake you can say "that cake is not the only thing in the oven, sweetheart" or something silly like that. And then you will have cake RIGHT THERE to celebrate!
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:13 AM on October 18, 2012 [15 favorites]

I just found this: Make a big dinner of only things that are named with "baby", like baby-back ribs, baby corn and carrots, baby spuds and baby greens and keep hinting at them throughout dinner. Maybe you could even use baby silverware to eat with, or sippy cups filled with wine to reaaly drive the point home!
posted by sybarite09 at 6:24 AM on October 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

Mock up an invitation to the Dunder Mifflin Company Picnic and give it to him.
posted by BlueJae at 6:45 AM on October 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

just sayin'
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:18 AM on October 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

inturnaround: "Go to the bank and open up a savings account. "Our Baby's College Fund". Give him the passbook or whatever documentation the bank gives you and tell him you started up a new bank account today."

Can you still buy paper savings bonds? That could be a more straightforward way to do that.... (Plus, it's a good investment!)
posted by schmod at 7:20 AM on October 18, 2012

Bake a little bun (sticky bun, hot cross bun, etc.) in your oven. Ask him to take it out of the oven, and when he does, look at him meaningfully?

*I know, I know, a little wacky, but you asked*.
posted by anitanita at 7:45 AM on October 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

If you have a yard, you could fabricate a huge [+] in it, out of crepe paper or such. Hopefully do it while he is busy, or out of the house.

When he sees this, he will have questions. . .
posted by Danf at 7:48 AM on October 18, 2012

Buy a toy stork, put the test stick in its beak. Leave it sitting somewhere he is bound to see.
posted by wwax at 8:26 AM on October 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Best answer: > put a picture of the test (or the test itself) on that third place setting

Not the test itself, please. Anything you've peed on does not belong on the dinner table.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:23 AM on October 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

I don't have any suggestions but specialagentwebb's one actually made me cry and I'm not much for crying over babies or surprises. It's pretty great.
posted by marylynn at 10:32 AM on October 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Came in to say something like sybarite09's dinner:
baby back ribs
baby carrots
new potatoes
baby greens
pink & blue cupcakes
and don't forget the table decorations! lots of storks and more pink & blue.....

(oh yeah: congrats!)
posted by easily confused at 10:36 AM on October 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Or, give him a 'I luv my daddy' onsie
posted by easily confused at 10:38 AM on October 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have to nth specialagentwebb's suggestion. I am similarly unmoved by babies/surprises/pop culture references and it literally brought tears to my eyes.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:30 PM on October 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Get some poster board and markers and make a 2 to 3 feet mockup of the pregnancy test. Put in under the hood of your car. Tell him you're hearing a strange rattling noise from the engine, and you need him to check it out.
posted by marsha56 at 1:52 PM on October 18, 2012

And congrats and best wishes !!!!
posted by marsha56 at 1:52 PM on October 18, 2012

I am sniffling at specialagentwebb's suggestion. Do that. Then after dinner, pour two glasses of wine and say "hey, let's go through the adventure book together, it'll be fun, like a date." Then when he gets to the last page, while he's processing the whole thing, say "Oh, yeah. You can have my wine, I can't drink it for the next nine months."
posted by KathrynT at 1:55 PM on October 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

When I was pregnant, my husband was always talking about his football team (they were the top team that year). Anyway when the topic came up again, as it was bound to, I said, "Well I bought you a new jacket for the next game." when he opened it, there was a teeny tiny newborn team jacket and a positive pregnancy test. So there's always that.
posted by Jubey at 2:43 PM on October 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Just thinking about the Up reference, I would redraw the old man and his wife in their younger years ( who tried and failed for a baby ) but this time draw a baby in her arms and turn it into a card with the positive test inside.
posted by Jubey at 2:46 PM on October 18, 2012

If you're using specialagentwebb's technique, you might want to avoid including a date, or any less=than-generic picture that can't be unstuck. (Apologies for pointing this out, but there is a 15-20% chance that this particular pregnancy won't sustain itself through the next 13 weeks, and excellent odds that future Baby House of Leaves of Grass will do the math.)
posted by feral_goldfish at 4:03 PM on October 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Too bad MeFi doesn't sell the [more inside] t-shirt anymore.
posted by JMOZ at 5:15 AM on October 19, 2012

so - what did you do??
posted by nadawi at 3:34 PM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]