Life choices are hard.
October 15, 2012 8:14 AM Subscribe
I have one daughter, she is 5.5. We always planned on having 3 children, but spacing turned into fertility issues turned into daughter will likely be 8 by the time we actually manage to have another offspring. Help me figure out the various pros/cons of having 2 more kids v. having 1 more kid/adopting a school age kid/ having 1 more kid/ leaving well enough alone.
posted by dadici to Human Relations (33 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
We always planned on 3 kids, but we thought spacing them more like 3-4 years was the way to go. When we got to the 3 year mark and started trying...surprise! It didn't go as smoothly as the first go round. I'm 31 with no diagnosable fertility issues, so my docs think that some basic intervention would most likely be successful. Or, just as likely the weight that I'm going to lose over the next year thanks to my weight-loss surgery will just reset everything.
The current plan is to get serious about conception about a year from now, which would have us having baby #2 around the time our daughter is 8, and then try as soon as possible for baby #3. Part of the reason we wanted to have more children is that both of us have great relationships with our siblings. We would like our children to be close as well, the 8 year age difference has introduced a fair amount of maternal angst in me.
I've started pondering the feasibility of adopting an older child, someone between 3-6 is what I picture when I'm thinking about it. Is that a crazy idea? Mr.Dadici and I have always liked the idea of adoption, but it's not something that anyone in our families has any first hand experience with. Is the fact that I would be adopting at least in part to provide my child with a sibling/friend closer in age a sign that I'm not doing it for the right reasons?
What are the pros/cons of the various combinations I laid out above? How would you go about deciding what to do in my situation? Some days I wonder if we shouldn't just move forward as a family of 3, but I believe that's mostly frustration speaking, I like our life but I definitely picture a larger family whenever I think of the future, so I don't think we're done.