Are these mixed signals intelligible?
October 14, 2012 6:47 PM Subscribe
Are these mixed signals intelligible? Are they even mixed signals, or just a polite way of telling me to get lost?
posted by anonymous to human relations (37 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I met someone at a party recently. We really clicked, and spent most of the night talking; mutual friends were basically planning couples' vacations with us before long. Then -- after hours and hours -- she bailed, very awkwardly. I emailed her afterward and it turned out that she had just recently broken up with someone she had dated for several years and was just not in the right headspace. Which...okay. I understand that, but I also know we'd been having a pretty good time to that point, and really would have liked to have kept things going on that level, at that speed. Nothing serious! She sorta was like, "Well, I hope we see each other again sometime," though realistically we probably won't -- at least not anytime soon -- and also I kinda have to wonder how sincerely she meant that when, to be honest, seeing each other again would be pretty simple to arrange if one were of a mind to, and much more complicated and improbable if one were to leave that to the whims of fate and all. As hard as it is to accept -- (a) because this isn't the answer I want to hear, and (b) because it really doesn't track with how well we got along -- I'm pretty sure this is a "she's just not that into you" situation, but the couple whose party it was keep telling me not to sweat it, just wait, etc., which sounds kind of...delusional? Nuts? Bizarre? I don't intend to wait around for someone who I may or may not even see again to decide that it's time for her to be interested in dating someone. It's all just weird and I don't know what to do with it at all, not least because I really did like her and really would like things to happen there, but the self-preservation part of me is telling me to just forget about it.
Anyway: What I'm trying to figure out is whether I should contact her again. She didn't say not to contact her. She did say she wanted to see me again. Albeit in some passive not-that-I-want-to-do-anything-to-make-that-really-happen way. Would I be losing out on something if I just let it go, or is she effectively telling me in a nice way to fuck off? I'm just really...confused.