How to tell your SO about a big life change you'd like to make
October 14, 2012 10:03 AM Subscribe
How to tell your SO about big, possibly life-changing plans (i.e., applying to medical school in a couple of years)?
posted by carolinaherrera to human relations (31 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I've been dating someone for about a year and we've talked very seriously about a future together. He has told me he wants to marry me. I love him. Things are good.
As you can see from my previous questions, I'm considering a huge career shift in a couple of years, after I finish my PhD: going to medical school. This would require that I move in about 3 years, and that I possibly move to somewhere less than ideal, depending on where I end up going to school.
I haven't discussed this plan with him, but it's starting to feel more real so I want some advice on how to bring this kind of thing up. I could wait until done with the PhD, but I find that somewhat disingenuous as I am not making the normal plans one makes at this stage of the PhD for post docs, etc. and that's going to be kind of weird if I don't explain why. Also, I would like to shadow some physicians/will be reading books about the medical field/etc. and that will look weird.
To make matters more confusing, he's a scientist in the medical field, so this is a career shift to something more like his work, which might bring up other psychological minefields.
So, I'd like to hear your experiences:
- How did you bring up a huge, life-changing shift you'd like to make to your SO?
- How did you time the discussion? (i.e., wait until done with the PhD, or it becomes obvious, or...)
- What do I do if he reacts negatively? Will that doom our relationship? He might not want to move with me.
Other beanplating as expected.