How to cope with losing my fiance to alcohol, two weeks before our wedding?
October 13, 2012 3:41 PM Subscribe
My fiance went on a massive alcohol binge this week, two weeks before our wedding, and has left me. Any suggestions for coping with the devastation and loss I am feeling? Portland, OR-specific suggestions are especially welcome.
posted by anonymous to human relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Background: We are both in our late 30s, been together just under two years. Fiance is a recovering addict (alcohol and opiates) and had successfully been through inpatient treatment earlier this year. Prior to that he'd been sober for several years (and was when we met). He had seven months of sobriety up until earlier this week, when I came home from work to be completely blindsided by the sight of him in bed, drunk, surrounded by empty malt beverage cans. Every day this week I returned home to the same, even though he knew full well that I didn't allow any drinking in our home. He kept saying he wanted to stop, but clearly the alcohol had gotten too much of a hold on him. This morning he asked to be taken to the ER to detox, and I dropped him there. He ended up walking home after being discharged and immediately began scrounging for change around the house to buy booze. He told me this, meaning getting drunk, was more important than our life together. I asked him to leave my house and he did.
My question is: how can I help myself, especially in the coming weeks? I know about and go to Al Anon meetings on a sporadic basis and will be trying to go more often. If there is a way to get more out of the meetings, I would be interested in that. I usually end up crying a lot and not really sharing much. I would love to know about any other support groups or other resources, either online or where I live (Portland, OR). Or books. Anything, really! I am pretty desperate right now.
I am feeling a severe sense of loss, of the life we might have had. No doubt people may think I dodged a huge bullet, and I can see that. Trust me, things were incredibly good when he was sober and committed to recovery, which was most of our relationship. I am also feeling humiliated, thinking about going to work next week with people asking me about the upcoming wedding. And then there's canceling all the plans, returning our rings, all of that. Not to mention the thought of talking to my friends as well as my family who were going to fly out and be there. My self esteem is pretty much at an all time low. Finally, I know I am going to get extremely anxious, wondering where he is and how he is. I don't have health insurance quite yet, but when I do again, the plan is to get therapy to work through some of this.