Strategies for helping an elderly parent, who is living in assisted living, realize/come to terms with the fact that moving home will never be an option and it is now time to sell that home?
My mother is agonizing about how to convince my grandmother that her family home needs to be sold. My grandfather has been gone for 5 years and after my grandmother broke her hip about a year and a half ago (some background here
), the family agreed that it was no longer safe for her to live alone in her home and moved her into an upscale nearby assisted living senior community. (In-home care is not an option--I'll spare you all the reasons why.)
My grandmother's house has sat empty since then (though well-maintained by family), and with the real estate market starting to brighten and my grandmother's health only declining, my mother and her siblings are ready to put the house on the market. However, my grandmother is (understandably) very resistant to this idea. A typical exchange will consist of her asking my mother, “Will I ever be able to get out of here/be able to move back home?” and my mother will say that she honestly doesn't see how that will be possible; my grandmother of course gets angry and says “Well we need to sell the house then”--but then the next day will say “You had better not sell my house”. The issue at hand is not so much how to approach her about selling her house (she knows this has to happen--though regularly forgets...part of the dementia? selective memory? Hard to say...) but more one of how to get her to be in agreement/acceptance of the sale
. With the Power of Attorney within the Living Trust she and my grandfather had legally drawn up, my mother and her siblings can override her resistance with her diagnosis of the dementia--but as my mom says, who wants to go there?! So much better for all involved if she just agrees to it. For what it's worth she finally agreed to the sale of her car recently and has since not remembered making that agreement, and I think that makes this whole situation even harder. Even if we successfully convince her, who's to say she won't just forget and the whole process becomes something that has to be endured over and over?
Any advice is appreciated--we realize this is a lose-lose situation and it's heartbreaking for everyone involved, but the family is really trying to take the most sensitive approach possible here and avoid straight-up strong-arming my grandmother. Is it possible there is just no reasoning with someone with the kind of dementia/memory problems she has, or is there something we haven't thought of? Thank you in advance.