Am I depressed?
October 10, 2012 9:59 AM Subscribe
Am I depressed?
I am currently unemployed and a very part-time student. I can barely get out of bed, and my life feels empty. I have been with my amazing, loving, intelligent SO for four years and yet I now find myself crying in the car by myself thinking about how the passion is gone. I think about past loves, loves that could never be...just all kinds of storybook bullshit to make it seem like my life is at least dramatic and sad as I spend all day in bed watching TV.
I am on antidepressants. Celexa, 20 mg. Have been for awhile. But I don't know if I am chemically depressed or if my life is really just empty and I need to make a change. But I have no energy. And I'm so sad and lonely.
Should I go back to the doctor to get more meds? Or should I try and make big changes in my life? How do I know if those changes are sound ones, and not just aimless and desperate attempts to get out of this?
I am currently unemployed and a very part-time student. I can barely get out of bed, and my life feels empty. I have been with my amazing, loving, intelligent SO for four years and yet I now find myself crying in the car by myself thinking about how the passion is gone. I think about past loves, loves that could never be...just all kinds of storybook bullshit to make it seem like my life is at least dramatic and sad as I spend all day in bed watching TV.
I am on antidepressants. Celexa, 20 mg. Have been for awhile. But I don't know if I am chemically depressed or if my life is really just empty and I need to make a change. But I have no energy. And I'm so sad and lonely.
Should I go back to the doctor to get more meds? Or should I try and make big changes in my life? How do I know if those changes are sound ones, and not just aimless and desperate attempts to get out of this?
You do sound depressed. Are you seeing a therapist or a counsellor in addition to being on medication? Talking to a qualified someone will probably help you get a better handle on what you're dealing with. Your medication may need adjusting or you may need to try a different one, as well.
posted by flex at 10:10 AM on October 10, 2012
posted by flex at 10:10 AM on October 10, 2012
Sounds like the meds aren't working. If you're getting the Celexa from a primary care doctor, consider a psychiatrist instead. It's what they do, after all. You might need a higher dose or another medication entirely. Not all medications work for all people.
posted by scratch at 10:15 AM on October 10, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by scratch at 10:15 AM on October 10, 2012 [5 favorites]
I would absolutely go to see your doctor and have them look in to your meds. I have been on antidepressants for a long while and earlier this year they just up and stopped working. I needed a major change in dosage to get back to right.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 10:15 AM on October 10, 2012
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 10:15 AM on October 10, 2012
A combination of medication and talk therapy is considered more effective than medication alone in treating depression.* Whether your depression is chronic or situational, it's impacting your life enough to warrant medication. I suggest you try therapy in addition to taking your prescribed medication. You can use the Psychology Today therapist directory as a place to start, or if you have insurance, you can find your insurance plan's list of in-network mental health providers.
It may make sense in the future to go back to your doctor (or switch to a psychiatrist) for an adjustment to your medication, but first you should see someone who is trained to assess patients with depression. Your primary care physician can legally prescribe your medication, but almost certainly isn't the best clinician to be solely responsible for monitoring your depression.
*The first person to mention this to me was an academic who studies outcomes for patients with depression. I've also heard it from physicians and therapists.
posted by Meg_Murry at 10:16 AM on October 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
It may make sense in the future to go back to your doctor (or switch to a psychiatrist) for an adjustment to your medication, but first you should see someone who is trained to assess patients with depression. Your primary care physician can legally prescribe your medication, but almost certainly isn't the best clinician to be solely responsible for monitoring your depression.
*The first person to mention this to me was an academic who studies outcomes for patients with depression. I've also heard it from physicians and therapists.
posted by Meg_Murry at 10:16 AM on October 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
This is not an either/or question. Please go back to your doctor and get your meds sorted out so that you can cope, okay?
When your mind is working better, instead of sabotaging you like it is now, you will be able to see the real problems clearly. And, impossible as it seems right now, you will be able to get past them and function again like you used to.
I've been there. It's rough. Don't feel guilty about all the storybook drama. Just get some help.
posted by misha at 10:18 AM on October 10, 2012
When your mind is working better, instead of sabotaging you like it is now, you will be able to see the real problems clearly. And, impossible as it seems right now, you will be able to get past them and function again like you used to.
I've been there. It's rough. Don't feel guilty about all the storybook drama. Just get some help.
posted by misha at 10:18 AM on October 10, 2012
You definitely sound depressed, and it sounds like the drugs aren't helping you. That doesn't mean that you're beyond help, it just means that particular drug isn't for your brain.
I was on Citalopram for about a year, and it seemed like I was better for a while, but I still felt listless and tired all the time. All my hobbies felt like chores. I eventually tapered off of them (with the guidance of my doctor) because I felt like I had reached the limit of what they could do for me, and since I didn't feel much different off of them, I just assumed I was "better", whatever that means.
What followed was a year of distracted work performance, avoiding friends whenever I could, friction in my relationship, and anxiety about my professional and personal and geographical future. Whatever, I thought. It's just normal anxiety about the recession. So I sleep 16 hours on Saturdays and order Chinese more than I should - I have a hard job and disposable income, why shouldn't I?
My partner finally persuaded me to go talk to another doctor, who put me on Zoloft for 3 weeks (awful side effects, zero benefit) and then switched me to Wellbutrin. And holy crap, the difference the right medication makes is really astounding. For the first time in probably my entire life, I wake up feeling awake and alert. I actually want to get out of bed and do stuff. I've always been a high achiever, but now my ambitions aren't accompanied by the rollercoaster of self-loathing that I dared to dream so big.
So please talk to someone, because you deserve to feel better than this.
Another thing: please don't make any life-changing decisions when you are in this state. When you're depressed you can't think clearly, or assess your problems in an objective way. You sound like you're a little concerned about the future of your relationship, and it's totally okay to talk to your partner about your concerns. But do keep in mind that it's very likely that some of your concerns are being created by, or exacerbated by, your depression. Take care of yourself first, and then you and your partner can work to figure out if there's things you can do to improve your relationship.
Finally: it's not for everyone, but I find the simple advice that Boggle the Owl gives to be reassuring.
posted by Phire at 10:31 AM on October 10, 2012 [11 favorites]
I was on Citalopram for about a year, and it seemed like I was better for a while, but I still felt listless and tired all the time. All my hobbies felt like chores. I eventually tapered off of them (with the guidance of my doctor) because I felt like I had reached the limit of what they could do for me, and since I didn't feel much different off of them, I just assumed I was "better", whatever that means.
What followed was a year of distracted work performance, avoiding friends whenever I could, friction in my relationship, and anxiety about my professional and personal and geographical future. Whatever, I thought. It's just normal anxiety about the recession. So I sleep 16 hours on Saturdays and order Chinese more than I should - I have a hard job and disposable income, why shouldn't I?
My partner finally persuaded me to go talk to another doctor, who put me on Zoloft for 3 weeks (awful side effects, zero benefit) and then switched me to Wellbutrin. And holy crap, the difference the right medication makes is really astounding. For the first time in probably my entire life, I wake up feeling awake and alert. I actually want to get out of bed and do stuff. I've always been a high achiever, but now my ambitions aren't accompanied by the rollercoaster of self-loathing that I dared to dream so big.
So please talk to someone, because you deserve to feel better than this.
Another thing: please don't make any life-changing decisions when you are in this state. When you're depressed you can't think clearly, or assess your problems in an objective way. You sound like you're a little concerned about the future of your relationship, and it's totally okay to talk to your partner about your concerns. But do keep in mind that it's very likely that some of your concerns are being created by, or exacerbated by, your depression. Take care of yourself first, and then you and your partner can work to figure out if there's things you can do to improve your relationship.
Finally: it's not for everyone, but I find the simple advice that Boggle the Owl gives to be reassuring.
posted by Phire at 10:31 AM on October 10, 2012 [11 favorites]
That absolutely sounds like you are depressed. It could be situational, it could be chemical, or it could be a combination of both. Definitely talk to your doctor. Talk to a therapist if you can. If not, journaling may help.
posted by rmd1023 at 10:35 AM on October 10, 2012
posted by rmd1023 at 10:35 AM on October 10, 2012
In addition to going back to your doctor go out every day and take a walk for 45-60 minutes, or run if you're so inclined. If there's a nice safe park somewhere near do it there. Exercise and sunshine can be really helpful for people who are depressed. Get some exercise DVDs from your local public library too and try them. Read instead of watching tv.
I hope you feel better soon.
posted by mareli at 10:38 AM on October 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
I hope you feel better soon.
posted by mareli at 10:38 AM on October 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
I am on Celexa (20mg) and felt myself starting to bottom out again last winter. I changed my eating habits and started exercising. Doing these things was hard work, but eventually brought me back where I wanted to be mentally. Having a partner who understands (and gives great hugs) was an immense help.
I aimed for some big life changes and gradually got there on my own, but I did discuss this with my doctor, just as you should discuss this with yours. As soon as possible. You don't have to keep suffering.
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:39 AM on October 10, 2012
I aimed for some big life changes and gradually got there on my own, but I did discuss this with my doctor, just as you should discuss this with yours. As soon as possible. You don't have to keep suffering.
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:39 AM on October 10, 2012
All of the above. (Yes, you sound acutely depressed.)
Don't rush into big life changes, like breaking up with your SO, or rushing into projects way outside your zone of familiarity, but doing more stuff will help you feel better.
Adjusted meds, yes. Therapy, yes. But especially getting out of the house and going for walks. Especially finding a new (or rediscovering an old) hobby that is creative and/or constructive. Also, start making lists of really easy, specific things to do. They can be traditionally productive, or things to do to take care of yourself, other than watching TV.
The right medication will help lighten the load of the illness, but will not create new habits for you. A new habit can start today. (And start again three days from now.)
posted by itesser at 10:51 AM on October 10, 2012
Don't rush into big life changes, like breaking up with your SO, or rushing into projects way outside your zone of familiarity, but doing more stuff will help you feel better.
Adjusted meds, yes. Therapy, yes. But especially getting out of the house and going for walks. Especially finding a new (or rediscovering an old) hobby that is creative and/or constructive. Also, start making lists of really easy, specific things to do. They can be traditionally productive, or things to do to take care of yourself, other than watching TV.
The right medication will help lighten the load of the illness, but will not create new habits for you. A new habit can start today. (And start again three days from now.)
posted by itesser at 10:51 AM on October 10, 2012
You sound acutely depressed. Your meds aren't working, either because they're the wrong meds or you're on the wrong dosage (or your depression is pharma-resistant, or anything else). Also yes, therapy. Sooner the better. I have been acutely depressed without medication, I have been acutely depressed with medication, and I am now not depressed and not on medication. There's hope, there's a way out. Ask professionals for help. Figure out "big life changes" on your own after that.
posted by penduluum at 11:01 AM on October 10, 2012
posted by penduluum at 11:01 AM on October 10, 2012
I'd just like to echo that a general practitioner is not the best place to get psych meds. It's kind of ok as a stopgap measure until you find a specialist, but I wouldn't do it as a long-term thing. Celexa just may not be right for you--some SSRIs are sedating and others are activating. Celexa is supposed to be middle-ground, which is probably why so many GPs prescribe it. A psychiatrist will better be able to evaluate if this is the right medication for you, if the dosage is adequate, if you need a second medication, or a different medication entirely.
I think trying to differentiate "chemical" depression from "emotional" depression is a distinction without a difference. Sometimes you can get through depression just through talk therapy, some find success with just medication, and some need both.
IANAD.
posted by xyzzy at 11:21 AM on October 10, 2012
I think trying to differentiate "chemical" depression from "emotional" depression is a distinction without a difference. Sometimes you can get through depression just through talk therapy, some find success with just medication, and some need both.
IANAD.
posted by xyzzy at 11:21 AM on October 10, 2012
Seconding that IANAD, but you sound depressed, and I would recommend going to your doctor to try diferent meds. I was lucky that my doctor and I tried Celexa first and that's what worked for me. The difference is astonishing - I was struggling with both depression and anxiety and Celexa allows me to push through my negative thoughts and clears my head.
posted by anotheraccount at 7:20 PM on October 10, 2012
posted by anotheraccount at 7:20 PM on October 10, 2012
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Please go back to your doctor and tell them what you told us. Different antidepressants work in different ways, and it is possible that a different one would be a better fit for you.
From what you've written here, please consider therapy if you aren't in it already. I know that is what always gets suggested here, but there is a reason for that.
Please take care of yourself.
posted by Lemmy Caution at 10:09 AM on October 10, 2012 [3 favorites]