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October 8, 2012 8:09 AM   Subscribe

Is reconnecting with casual dates/flings ever a good idea?

Been getting a surprising number of reconnection attempts this weekend from people I went on a few dates with in the last year. I wasn't interested in reconnecting with any of them and didn't respond. Conversely, in the last few months I've reached out to a few people with reconnection attempts and received no response.

There are definitely people from my past that I'd like to see again, but if it was a good idea to get in touch with them now, we probably wouldn't have been avoiding each other in the meantime, right?

So: is reconnecting with these kinds of people ever a good idea? If so, how should one go about it? When you're not interested, how should you respond?
posted by modernserf to Human Relations (6 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
"...is reconnecting with these kinds of people ever a good idea?"

Well, in my case I reconnected with someone nearly seven years after we had dated casually just three times. We've now been married for just over 25 years.
posted by bz at 8:20 AM on October 8, 2012 [6 favorites]


There's rarely any harm in trying. I mean, you never know. Is it likely to work out amazingly? It is not. But so what? Give them a chance if you're curious. The worst that could happen is you go out and have a couple drinks. The risk is tiny, and the potential reward...who knows?

if it was a good idea to get in touch with them now, we probably wouldn't have been avoiding each other in the meantime, right?

The most likely (and common) scenario is that they were seeing someone, then broke up, and they are now going through their mental Rolodex of people they liked well enough from the past year.

If so, how should one go about it?

Respond to their reconnection attempt, following their lead, if you're interested. Ask how they've been. Go from there.

When you're not interested, how should you respond?

If you're not interested, don't respond at all.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:21 AM on October 8, 2012


but if it was a good idea to get in touch with them now, we probably wouldn't have been avoiding each other in the meantime, right?

Are you all actively avoiding each other, or has everyone just drifted apart? There's a difference.

Unless things ended in acrimony, I can't see how it would hurt to say "Hey, been thinking about you lately, how are things?"

Data point: I'm a lesbian who's kept pretty much all exes, both serious and not, as at least casual friends. YMMV.
posted by rtha at 8:36 AM on October 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


It depends on how casual things were.

If you were in a frame of mind where you weren't ready for serious dating and they were, and that's changed, you can always check.

If the person you dated was bogged down in work and it was just bad timing, you can always check back.

Don't be surprised if someone moved on and is now in a relationship though.

If there was something about the person that made you uneasy, or if you got the impression that the person you dated just wasn't into you, don't waste your time.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:52 AM on October 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Depends on what you mean by reconnecting as well. Romantically? It can be hit or miss. If there wasn't a spark there the first time around, it's not likely to be the second. Not totally impossible, though; I've seen it happen plenty. Reconnecting as friends? Definitely give it a shot. If things were casual and sort of fizzled, there's no reason not to, IMO. I am great friends with someone I went on 2 dates with; we didn't talk for a few months and reconnected by chance. We had a connection... it just wasn't romantic.
posted by peacrow at 9:16 AM on October 8, 2012


I've had lots of friendships result from this. Never hurt, at most ignored.
posted by ead at 1:52 PM on October 8, 2012


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