Alone after an obsessive relationship, having trouble making friends in a sea of the elderly...
October 6, 2012 10:40 AM Subscribe
How do I make friends in an unfriendly place for young folks (18-20), and how can I make him believe that I've made changes to myself?
posted by orchidgenes to Human Relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I have a very obsessive brain, especially when it comes to love. Even before I started dating my (now ex) boyfriend, I was obsessed with love stories and fantasizing about love. I think this might be a good thing somewhere along the line, since I'm hoping to be a writer later in life. Now, however, it's a giant issue.
My boyfriend broke up for me for this reason (though he just said "i don't want to be in a relationship in general", which I don't quite believe after knowing him for 3 years, because I could tell he didn't want me to think I was the cause). I'm a freshman in college, and he's a sophomore. He kept all his friends from high school since they all stayed in our hometown. We both go to the same school, a community college. I'm transferring to a larger college next year, but for now... I'm in hell.
In this quite obsessive relationship, I let him in completely and didn't get close to anyone else for most of my high school years. I kept one friend, who resides about 200 miles away now. This particular community college we go to is full of single parents and people too busy working to make friends. My ex doesn't realize this, since all his friends are from high school, where everyone is out to make friends.
I've been trying extremely hard these past couple months to make strides and gain friendships from my classes, but nobody is really interested and it's discouraging. I feel like I have nothing to do. I tried looking for meet-ups, but I live in Florida. This is an issue.
As everyone knows, Florida is a retirement home. Especially where I live, close to beaches, there are more bored old people looking for fun. I don't mind older people, but they're not what I'm looking for, friend-wise. I'm so frustrated because I feel like I can't move forward because all my options are closed off to me.
Also, while I'm here, I'd like to ask you all for your advice on one more thing. I've been making huge improvements to myself in terms of independence and self-worth. I really believe I'm a different person than who was in that relationship, and I think if I were to be back in it, the relationship could really flourish. However, there's no way for me to tell my ex this.
I was completely clingy and afraid of him leaving while I was in the relationship, and right after the breakup I did a lot of begging. This hurts my chances of him taking me seriously when I tell him that I have truly changed. I feel stronger now, I've taken a rational look at our situation, and my opinions on what makes a successful relationship have changed drastically, especially regarding independence. I'm currently in therapy for my issues with my anxious and obsessive tendencies and I'm getting stronger every day.
I really would like to talk to him about it, but I don't know how to do this without him automatically thinking "she's lying and trying to get me back because she needs me."
Our relationship was really a good one, and if I picture it without my constant jealousy and anxiety, it could honestly be wonderful. I just need some way to convince him that I'm not lying and that I can really make some important changes if he gave me the chance to.
So, what do you think? How to make friends in an unfriendly place for young folks (18-20), and how to make him believe that I've made changes to myself...?