You are not a bad person for wanting to break up, and neither is he.
October 6, 2012 10:01 AM Subscribe
Any resources for healing after a breakup when you're
the one that initiated it? And that doesn't demonise either party?
posted by divabat to human relations (11 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
After six years my partner and I are now just friends. It was necessary and a long time coming: we still care for each other a great deal but the relationship as it stands wasn't sustainable anymore. We'd still like to be friends, he's practically family to me anyway, but understandably things are still awkward and raw right now (it's been less than a week).
I'm trying to find resources for healing and support, but so much of it runs along the lines of "that bastard doesn't know what they're missing!". Even the ones that are slightly more sympathetic to the initiator are very "well that person was an asshole anyway" - which, NO. He is not a bad person and neither am I. We have both been very good for each other. It just wasn't working out healthily for both of us. It doesn't help that a few other friends have been dumped around the same time, and a lot of what they report the *other party* saying is stuff I relate to...and I haven't the heart to say `well I can see where they are coming from` because they're obviously hurting.
My special snowflake guilt was that a large part of the breakup was because last year I came out to myself and him as more interested in girls than I thought I was (I'd known I was queer for ages and so did he, but some incidences made me realise that I tend to like girls *exclusively*). But because we still loved and cared for each other as companions, and had an open relationship that was working really well for a while, we figured we'd give it a shot. But it wasn't working. I felt like the breakup was the only way for me to be honest and authentic with myself - but sometimes I wonder what is the point of authenticity when it only hurts the ones that already love you as you are?