2012 has not been my year - it has been 5 steps forward, 4 steps back (sometimes 6 steps back) trying to rebuild my life. I'm left now where i was at the beginning...broke, unemployed, frustrated, depressed. What am I doing wrong? Or is the Universe really just hating me this year?
posted by assasinatdbeauty to Human Relations (20 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
This year started with me escaping an extremely unhealthy marriage - yay! - but at the time I only had a part time job in retail. I moved in with my stepmother for a few months (which was the agreed upon time), looking for another better paying, more permanent job. 95% of my experience is in retail and retail management, with the other 5% being a 9 month stint in an admin position at an office (i was included in the mass layoffs due to the economy), and an on and off personal assistant position for a non profit organization where i also do some work with licensing music. This is not a stable means of income, however, as the owner can't afford to have me more than one day a week.
Back to the series of events. I moved in to a friends house in march, and by april my hours at my job had been so greatly reduced that i had to start looking for something else. my step mother offered to have me babysit my little sister at near full time, for the rate i was getting at my retail job, but the hours she really needed me were the same as when i'd be working at my job. So, i made the decision to quit, since at the time i was assured that i'd be making about double babysitting. a month later, step mother decides to stop working for the summer, so she conveniently no longer needs me to babysit. great - now i have ZERO income. that remained the situation until late june, which heaped on massive amounts of stress due to the constant threat of having to move into my car, and not really being able to afford food even (but hey, i went from a size 6 to a size 2, so there's something). I finally landed another management job at the end of june, but was so far behind that each check went out the door 100% the day i got it, so the constant "how will i afford food/gas" stress remained. i had just finally caught up at the beginning of september, and my next paycheck would have been the first that wasn't completely spoken for. 2 days before my birthday in the first week of september, my position is eliminated due to the new store not making as much money as the company planned, and i had not been there for 90 days yet, so i am not eligible for unemployment compensation. The only source of income is this nonprofit 1 or 2 days a week gig, which is just covering bills so far, but will not with the bigger ones (rent, cell phone) coming up. also, this place is an hour away, so driving there is expensive.
I spend a chunk of time every day combing through every job board, applying to anything i qualify for. I really really feel strongly about getting out of retail - i've had pretty much only bad experiences, the environment is so stressful, cut throat and you spend most of the time being talked down to by upper management and corporate. I've applied to a temp agency and had my initial interview, but they haven't been able to match me up with anything yet.
I'm very reluctant to get a job at a wawa or grocery store, etc, because the pay is not enough to cover my bills, and i feel as though it's wrong to work somewhere *knowing* that you'll be leaving as soon as you find something better in weeks-months. That just seems incredibly disrespectful to me, like i'm wasting their time.
The year has also been peppered with events such as a string of health issues that i'm sure are because of the stress (abscess tooth which shattered during extraction, needed 15 stitches in my gums, followed by whooping cough, followed by torn muscle in shoulder, followed by nasty yeast infection, followed by stomach flu, with pretty nasty migraines and panic attacks throughout), finding out my credit score dropped from near 700 to closer to 500 because of no money to make my car payment for 2 months/ credit card payments for 6+ months, and bringing down my mother's credit score since she cosigned for my car, which made her VERY angry (rightfully so, but her words hurt a lot), but there was literally nothing i could do.
I do count my blessings. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom i have known for 9 years, very much of a "soulmate under your nose" situation, and he is so supportive and loving it's incredible. He has been going through the same horrible time i have, and has had the rug pulled out from under him through no fault of his own quite a few times this year. We live together at this mutual friend's house, and pool our resources for everything that pops up, there just aren't enough resources between us. He is searching for another job too (his pays next to nothing, pizza delivery in a poor area with no gas reimbursement, hardly anyone tips), but has very limited work experience, and also needs to make sure he finds a job that enables him to provide for his almost 3 year old daughter too (whom we have part time, and i love as my own).
I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder to the point that, with everything that's happened, it tends to be difficult to get out of bed some mornings. Leaving my abusive husband was supposed to be the start to a better life, and i now have the best relationship anyone could ask for, but it's hard to enjoy when every single other aspect of my life is in shambles.
I'm guess i'm looking for some guidance as to what my options are, if there's something i should be doing that i'm not. As i said, i spend part of every day looking and applying for jobs. I'm pretty much housebound, as i have zero dollars in my bank account and any gas my boyfriend can put in my tank must be saved for going to the nonprofit to work, or going to any interview that pops up.
I'm sorry for the scattered-ness of this all...i'm just at my wits end, and having a hard time seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.
Basics about me - i'm 25, female, physically fit and healthy, and live about 30 min outside of Reading, pa, going towards Philly.