How do I make friends without creeping them out?
October 2, 2012 10:30 AM Subscribe
How to make new friends: socially awkward version. Or, have I slipped up here?
posted by thrasher to human relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 39, female, with a long term male partner. I'm not very good at making friends or being friendly, but I'm consciously trying to do better. I naturally seem to form friendships with men more easily than with women. I fake being social when I need to, but I really prefer to be alone (with my partner). I'm also bi and occasionally do FFM threesomes with my partner, so I get my friend/flirt wires crossed sometimes.
I signed up with a new financial advisor last week, she works in the same building as me. She's very smart, pretty, very friendly, inquisitive - she seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, not just as a client. In the course of our meeting, in addition to my financial goals, we talked about life stuff too. She's single and asked me how I met my partner, we talked about dating websites, music, restaurants... we really seemed to hit it off. Friday I took her some paperwork and we chatted some more about music - we were both planning on going to the same music event on Sunday and she told me about a restaurant crawl happening Sunday night. We agreed to maybe meet up. She gave me her phone number (jokingly saying not to text her in the middle of the night about my accounts) and I texted her right then so she'd have mine. She gave me her personal email address so I could send her some music info. I asked if she was on Facebook, she said yes and was positive when I said I'd friend her. I also asked her age, she said 28, we talked about how being a young financial advisor affects her senior clients. I felt like we'd really made a connection, I was looking forward to seeing her on the weekend and having her meet my partner. I was also excited at the prospect of successfully making a new friend, and I admit I was also a bit fluttery because I am attracted to her.
Sunday morning things seemed to totally change. I sent her an email with all the music info I promised her, told her I had been unable to find her on FB and gave her the link to my profile so she could friend me, and told her I'd text her momentarily about the music/restaurant stuff. I did, she responded within a few minutes. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to do the music event, that she'd let me know later. She didn't acknowledge anything about the restaurant event.
A few hours later she texted that she wasn't going to make it to the music because she had to help a friend with something. She again didn't acknowledge the restaurant event. I said no worries, happy Sunday, and that was the end of it. She hasn't friended me on Facebook.
Yesterday I left some more financial paperwork at her office, emailed her to let her know they were and give her a bit more info, didn't say anything about the weekend. She replied with "thank you, I'll process them tomorrow." This morning I saw her in the halls and she was pleasant but kind of awkward and again didn't say anything about the weekend.
I'm concerned that I've come on too strong. Did I? What should I have done differently?