I crossed marriage boundaries with co-worker -- now what?
October 1, 2012 3:02 PM Subscribe
My friendship with coworker evolved into something which is apparently neither "just friendship" neither ethical behaviour.
posted by anonymous to human relations (12 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
[English is not my native language, please excuse any errors within]
Myself and my co-worker are both married. We've talk occasionally and once or twice have eaten lunch together. About a year ago she got pregnant and instantly later she's got sent to a paid medical leave due to it endangered pregnancy. Somehow we've decided that we should meet outside work. So we did and have met about once a month for about an hour. We've met at her house, and once I drove her to the doctor. Every meeting was just coffee, tee, some cakes and small talk. Something unexpected have happened during this time. We have never spoke about it but we've started to hug and kiss each other (in the cheeks) for ours hellos and goodbyes (in our culture only family, lovers and very close friends kiss and hug during meetings). We've carefully scheduled our meetings during our spouses unavailability. Neither myself neither she have said a word about our meetings to our spouses. When I drove her home after doctor's appointment and was leaving my car she said "I'm sorry I can't kiss you because someone might see us". I gave her perfumes, she baked me a cake. After birth we've stopped our clandestine meetings but started calling each other every few weeks. Once again our conversations were just 10 minutes small talk, but she called me during work hours in a place when she wouldn't be overheard by her husband or her mother-in-law. There was none physical contact with the exception of aforementioned kisses and hugs.
My co-worker is coming back to work after her maternity leave and it seems that I am having an affair with her. How to handle that ethically? I know that I should stop it but have no idea how. We have never acknowledged that we are more than friends so I can't say to her "sorry I can't have an affair with you". Also I'm afraid that when I mention it she would deny anything more that simple friendship. Should I tell my wife?