Will He or Won't He?
October 1, 2012 3:51 AM Subscribe
My wonderful long-distance boyfriend and I have discussed him moving in with me and my kid. But I'm starting to wonder if it's really going to happen and I need some hivemind advice here.
posted by kinetic to human relations (17 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Through Facebook, I reconnected with someone who was THE ONE over 25 years ago. We had a youthful (and unnecessarily tumultuous) head over heels relationship until I realized that he wasn't ever going to commit. At the time, I broke it off, met someone else, and was married to that guy for 17 years. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I completely broke his heart.
We have since reconnected (and live 5 hours away from each other). It's magical, wonderful, full of passion and shared interests and we're both very happy. But like in any LDR, we're both kinda unhappy when we're apart.
Understanding that I have a kid and life where I live, he uncomplainingly comes here every weekend and is great with me and my kid.
So...we've discussed him moving in with us, and herein lies my brain exploding. After a long discussion, we decided that he should try coming up to live with me for more than a 4 day weekend and instead, will come here for a week, then for a few weeks, etc. See how it goes, then he comes for good.
We check calendar dates and the earliest he can come is in a month and a half. I don't love this (I know I'm more rabbit-like than he is, and part of what I love about him is that he is much more controlled and centered than me) because my rabbit-brain is thinking, "November? And what happens if we just have a shitty week? Is it over, then?" And is this one week at a time maybe his way of not really committing?
I don't want to ever give him an ultimatum, but the LDR thing...it's not working for me. And I don't know if I'm being selfish by wanting him here all the time or I'm being immature.
All I know is I don't like this "one week at a time" compromise, and I need some advice.
He's said he's fully committed to spending his life with me; he just wants to take time to get all his pieces into place (finding work where I live, etc.).
Am I getting anxious over nothing? Do things like this usually work out?