How do I get over that my ex boyfriend is now more confident, but at my expense.
September 30, 2012 6:38 AM Subscribe
How do I get over the fact that my ex boyfriend is now more outgoing and confident, but at my expense? When we started dating, he was quiet, aloof, thoughtful. When he ended it (out of the blue), he devalued me and tossed me away like garbage. He never looked back, but is now so much more confident and seemingly happier. I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
posted by Butterflye1010 to human relations (34 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
So my ex and I dated for a year and have now been broken up for about 9 months. We fell for each other hard and I thought he was the one (we are both in our mid-20s). We were friends first, but he was always extremely shy. If we were all out at a party, he would just be a wallflower and not talk to anyone. I didn't even realize he was interested in me until a mutual friend told me. Then, I had to make all the first moves. Once we started dating, however, he was completely different: he opened up and was more affectionate. He told me he loved me first, we made plans together, met each other's families and traveled. For most of the relationship, he was an amazing boyfriend.
Friends always wondered what I saw in him, because I was very outgoing and social and he was quiet and aloof. It just worked though; we clicked. He was smart and thoughtful. A major problem in our relationship, however, was his lack of confidence. While he always complimented me, he would tell me that I would never marry him and that I had horrible taste because I dated him. He always complained about his looks as well although he's very attractive. I was his first serious girlfriend.
By the end, the relationship completely blew up out of the blue. I could tell he was withdrawing some, but didn't expect what happened. He had secretly held all this resentment against me, confessed that he always told me what I wanted to hear, told me the spark was gone and I never showed him that I loved him. This was after he verbally devalued me (basically, I was a horrible person). A week before he had told me how much he loved me and then this? I think he may have cheated, but I'm not positive. I was devastated and heart broken- shocked. Once it was done, he never looked back; never reached out. The few times I tried, he seemed so bitter and blamed me for everything. I see him out occasionally, sometimes he says hello and other times he just ignores me .
Now, I hear from friends how he's so much more outgoing now and social and that he's completely moved on from me. He drinks and parties all the time. He's expressed interest and flirted with my girlfriends in front of me. I've been definitely trying to move on- dating again. It's still been a struggle. His lack of empathy is unnerving and I'm still very angry and sad that the relationship has resulted to this. I've been trying to do a lot of soul searching, but I can't make sense of this. I feel like I was the catalyst to feed his ego and now that he used me and discarded me, he's so much happier.