I don't know how to respond to jokes my dates make about me
September 25, 2012 12:06 PM Subscribe
Last night I feel like my confidence was dismantled by my date. This has happened before, and I have an idea of what's going on here but I don't know how to correct it.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (76 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
Some basic facts about me:
- I'm an attractive, in shape single 30 yr old male in NYC, dating around—majority of these dates are from OKC
- I look like I'm 30 going on 25—I just don't look my age, for better or worse
- I'm in graduate school, full time
My date last night is 34 or 35. Before we met we spoke on the phone. She made a point of saying that she doesn't usually date younger guys, but my profile sounded interesting and she enjoyed our phone conversation, so she was willing to meet. She's very sarcastic, to the point where I don't know if she's being serious or kidding around a lot of the time.
So we meet last night for drinks. With the first five minutes, she's referring to my babyface (her words), the fact I'm full time in school, and I look younger in person than in my photos. After being caught off-guard by said comments, I made a point of saying she's already pigeon-holed me, formed by some preconcieved notion. She responds that I'm taking her comments too seriously. This conversation occurred multiple times in different variations.
She also made a point of saying I did not take control of the conversation at any point to temper her remarks.
I'm not going to speculate on her reasons for making the comments. The point is I've had a couple similar situations in the past where a date taps into some sort of insecurity of mine with some off the cuff quip, and I'm stuck flatfooted—I just don't know how to come up with a quick comeback of my own. And because I don't, it creates a power dynamic where she has the apparent upper hand, and ultimately resents me for it.
So my question, as naive as it might sound, is the following: how do I respond to situations like this, where the date has a sharp tongue, and makes some quip(s) about me, and come back with a response in equal measure?