but I'm drunk on love!
September 23, 2012 6:25 PM Subscribe
I'm not so into drinking these days; my new boyfriend enjoys getting drunk. How do we best manage this low-level incompatibility?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (44 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I've never been a crazy drinker, but over the past couple of years (I'm 31), my interest in going out and getting drunk has gone way down. It doesn't seem worth the money, and it often makes me feel gross and unhealthy. I'd be happy having two glasses of wine a week, with an occasional (once every month or two?) wild night/special occasion/silly drunken time.
My boyfriend of four months likes to drink. He has a job where he can't drink ~3 days a week, but if he's left to his own devices, he'll drink on the remaining 4 days, and probably get pretty drunk 2-4 of those days.
My problem is that I enjoy his company less when he's drunk. He just gets kind of loud and sloppy, as people do, and if I'm sober it feels kind of like both of us are trying to have a conversation in a language we're not quite fluent in. To compensate, I've been drinking more -- especially if we're hanging out with his friends, who are pretty drink-happy -- but not particularly because I want to. We seem to get along fine when we're drinking together and maintain a relatively similar level of tipsiness -- say, when we split a bottle of wine over dinner; the problem arises when we meet up in the evening and he's already drunk, and I'm not. Or when we split a bottle of wine, and then I stop, but he keeps ordering drinks. (He doesn't seem to have an alcohol problem, from what I can tell; we often have non-drinking dates. He just likes to drink, and when he drinks he does so enthusiastically.)
I've brought the subject up, and he says he's not worried about it -- he's into the idea of drinking less, and he likes that he drinks less when he's around me. (I also think that he probably thinks it's less of a problem because when he's drunk, he seems to enjoy my sober company just fine; it's me who is less into drunk-him.) But then he'll hang out with his friends for a couple hours after work and show up drunk to our dinner date at 7:30. I hate feeling like some sort of nag or scold; most of my friends drink more than me, and I don't have a problem with it. I don't want to be the kind of person who makes rules like "If you plan a night to hang out with me, plan on not drinking!" because then I feel like a total square/buzzkill. There must be more elegant work-arounds to this kind of social incompatibility, right? If you have a drinking-level difference in your (happy!) relationship, how do you deal with it?