Is it normal for your girlfriend to slap you as a result of your own actions?
September 23, 2012 12:10 AM Subscribe
Is it normal for your partner to slap you if you yell hurtful things at them?
posted by Autumn to Human Relations (124 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
My partner slapped me last night because I was yelling "fuck you" and "I hate you" last night and she wanted me to stop saying hurtful things and I'm sure it was even more jarring for her because I'm a quiet person and don't yell. We were arguing and she was hurting me by what she was saying before then but she didn't know it at the time. I tried to leave the room and she restrained me and was apologetic for a moment then started saying the things again and I felt cornered so I snapped at her.
I can't remember if it was before or after the slap but she ran at me and pushed me against the wall and it hurt my arm and back and now there's a crack in the paint. She has rough housed me for awhile now but nothing that really hurt that much. But still scary things like physically preventing me from leaving a room by holding me even when I ask to be let go and try to get away or throwing me on the couch or bed or pinching my jaw with two fingers to make me look at her or something. Or dragging me back into the car when I tried to walk away from the argument and pinning me down while I struggled to get away.
It stopped for awhile when I told her if it happened again I would leave. But then it started again and I feel so horrible because I recently bit her when she was restraining me and I freaked out and started screaming so she put her arm over my mouth and I bit her and she has this nasty bruised that hasn't healed and I feel so ashamed.
She feels alone when I try to leave and like I'm abandoning her, she'll beg me not to go and that it reminds her of when her father walked out on the family when she held onto his leg and begged him not to go. She'll say that she was not restraining me, just hugging me and desperately didn't want me to leave and because of what happened to her when she was a child she's afraid I'll never come back. She's told me that the emotional pain I inflicted with something I was saying is equal to the physical pain she gives me and just as bad. Please tell me if this is true. She told me she feels completely ashamed of herself and hates herself sometimes and has apologized and said she wants to go back to therapy.
Sometimes she tells me I just play the victim and although after every time she'll tell me she's sorry and that wasn't true and she just said it out of anger, she's said it so many times that I've started to believe her and sometimes she'll say it again minutes after she apologized for it.
I feel so hurt and confused and alone and I need to know if I am just victimizing myself, overreacting to being slapped, am I just playing the victim is it normal for someone to slap you if you yell hurtful things at them? Did I deserve to have that happen? Before she had roughhouse me but never hit me. I only try to walk away from arguments because I just want to talk things out with a calm head and I can't do that if I'm getting upset at what she's saying and I just felt so frustrated that she was still saying hurtful things and wouldn't let me go sleep in the other room that I snapped at her and I feel horrible and I know it was wrong to say what I said.
I haven't told anyone any of this. How can she love me if she hit me? And is it dramatic of me to even wonder that? I just don't understand it at all, she puts her hands lovingly on my face so many times that I just can't understand the discrepancy. I still just want to hold her but I'm so hurt and confused I have cried so much since last night. Is there something wrong with me that makes my partners treat me this way?
Is it my fault be because of my actions?
I am a woman but she is stronger than me so she's able to hold me back. I'm not going to leave her, I think things can get better and there are good things I didn't list because of length. I just cannot understand what happened, it's like an oxymoron. I apologize for the length also.